


Roses & Clover

by Star_Gazing_Knight



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Coffee Shops, College, Dreams, Dreams and Nightmares, Existential Crisis, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Sex, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Neglectful Family, Unreliable Narrator, dark themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-02 11:22:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 40,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16304222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Star_Gazing_Knight/pseuds/Star_Gazing_Knight
Summary: When Lotor visited a matchmaker that Ezor suggested to him, the last thing he expected was to actually find the partner of his dreams.  But as time goes on, the lines between dream and reality start to blur, leaving Lotor in a beautiful nightmare that’s hard to escape.Updates are Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  Fic is completed and the last chapter will post on the 29th.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween month!! I know I said my next fic would be Healthy Lancelot, but I was inspired and thought there was no better time to post this fic than in October. This is a Dark Lancelot fic, but Lotor ISN'T the evil one (shocker, I know). 
> 
> Inspiration for this is [“Mr. Sandman” by SYML.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbPsIWto5PY)
> 
> Updates are Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Fic is completed and the last chapter will post on the 29th. This fic was Beta'd by [Langst-is-Love](https://langst-is-love.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr. As always, you can get any and all up to date information on my [Tumblr](https://star-gazing-knight.tumblr.com/).

Lotor barely withheld a sigh as Ezor continued to yammer on to him about some blind or speed date thing that she wanted him to attend.  He didn’t know why she was bothering, considering he knew she was fully aware of his feelings on _love_. 

 _Love_ was all good and fine for _some_ people, but not _all_ people, and Lotor was not one of those people.  For him, love was for fools and didn’t exist except inside fairytales and fantasies.  It was only found inside the dreams of the hopeless and romantic.

Of which, Ezor fit every description.

If it wasn’t for the fact that Lotor considered so few friends, he might not have forced himself to tolerate her romantic ideals.  But she fell among the few friends he had, so thus, he did put up with it.

But there were times where her stance on love and romance was still a bit much.  Like now. 

He honestly couldn’t understand why she was so keen on pushing romance on him.  She had been well aware of his stance on such matters since junior year of high school when she asked him out to some school dance that he hadn’t cared about.

And why should he have?  There were certainly more important things to worry about than some silly high school dance. 

Who cared about who was going with who, or who was wearing what dress when there were tests and exams going on?  When scholarships and college applications required multi-page essays and projects.  He had no time nor desire to care about something as frivolous as a school dance. 

It had worked out for the better since Ezor had ended up going with Narti instead.  Had she not, then Lotor might not have ever gained _her_ as a friend.

Ezor sighed, putting her hand on his knee and only removing it after a sharp look from him.  “Lo,” She smiled at him gently, giving him her patented patronizing patient smile that she gave kids.  “You can’t keep this up forever.  It’s okay to let loose and relax sometimes.”

“Relaxation leads to compliancy.  Compliancy leads to failure.  _Failure is not Success_.”  Lotor basically recited to her as he turned another page in his ‘Digital Marketing Specialization’ class textbook.  “Besides, I do relax.”

“Uh-huh.”  She sounded utterly convinced.  “Because staying cooped up in your apartment reading _more_ text books is ‘relaxing’.”  She rolled her eyes. 

“They’re not for classes but personal entertainment, so yes, they are relaxing.”

“Nothing about those boring archelogy tex-”

“It’s anthropology, not archelogy.”  Lotor scrunched his nose as he corrected her. 

“Same difference.”  Ezor twisted her hand in the air as if batting away a fly.

“No… Not really, archelogy is one of four subsets of anthropo-”

“Lotor.”  Ezor interrupted, giving him a pointed look.  “Stop trying to change the subject on me, we’re talking about _you_ and your social life – well, lack thereof, actually.”

“I fail to see how that is pertinent to you.”  Lotor replied, closing his text book with a sharp snap. 

“You’ve got to do something in your life for you, Lo.”  Ezor leaned back in her seat with a sigh only to sit back up not even a second later to grab her tea and take a sip.  “Not everything is about your parents.” She nodded at the now closed text book. 

Lotor’s grip on said text book tightened until his knuckles turned white.  “Still not pertinent to you.”  He snapped.

“I’m your friend, and that means I get to be worried about you, silly.”  She leaned back in the seat again, taking her tea with her this time to put on the table beside her.  “All I’m asking is that you check this guy out.  He’s supposedly one of the best match makers in the city.  Enjoy something for yourself, for once.”

“If I agree, will you cease hounding me over this trivial matter?”

It wasn’t that Lotor actually wanted to go do this, but if there was a chance that he could never be bothered about this topic again, then that may be worth the cost of going to see some hack job ‘match maker’.

“You’ll do it!?” Ezor barely kept from shrieking as she sat back up, her eyes wide. 

“I’ll think about it… if you promise to never bother me about this matter again.” 

Her excited smile vanished, turning into a pout, the sparkle in her eyes dimming.  “That’s the best I’m gonna get outta you, isn’t it?”  She sighed dramatically, falling back into her seat.  She hummed when he remained quiet before perking back up.  “Okay, how about this, Mr. Business Deal… if you go see Macidus and try whatever he tells you to do… then not only will I never bring up the topic of your relationships – or lack thereof – but I also promise to stop bringing your parents up.” 

“I’ve had relationships.”  Lotor argued deciding that was the better point to argue against in her proposition. 

Ezor snorted.  “Allura doesn’t count.”  Ezor declared, and then upon seeing him open his mouth to protest, added: “That was arranged by your parents.”

“Sendak?” Lotor reminded her.  Ezor made a small gagging noise as she wrinkled her nose.

“Ew.  He was such a tool, and you two only ‘dated’ as an experiment.   So yeah, no.  Try again.”

He was down to his last option, which really should have told him that Ezor was right about him not having much of a romance history.  Not that he wanted to admit that she was right… even if she was.

“Acxa then.”  Lotor replied, throwing out the name of his last girlfriend. 

Ezor laughed at him.  “Really?  Already that desperate, Lo?”  She mimed wiping away ‘tears’ produced by her laughter.  “That was totally a one-sided thing until she discovered you weren’t into her.  You didn’t even notice when she broke up with you and started dating Narti!”

“I did too.”

“Did not.”  Ezor crossed her arms.  “Look, take the deal or leave it.  Either I bug and bother you for the rest of your life over this or you go see Macidus, and never have to hear about this again.” 

Lotor narrowed his eyes.  “And what if the thing with this Macidus fellow goes well?  What does that spell for you?”

“Then I get eternal bragging rights _AND_ the honor of being your Best Maid at your eventual wedding if one happens to come about.” She paused.  “And the honor of being godmother to any children.  Acxa can bite my ass.”

Lotor closed his eyes, taking a breath and holding it to the count of ten before releasing it.  “And if I’m paired with a male?”  He didn’t even bother bringing up the fact that it was so unlikely that he had find someone worth marrying through this nonsense, let along someone to have children with. 

“Same terms, duh.” 

“You’re incorrigible.”

“You love me.”  She grinned and stuck out her hand, a sticky-note with an address and some information written on it in her familiar curly cursive.  “So, what’ll be?  You gonna take the deal or not?”

Lotor sighed, looking down at the sticky-note in her outstretched hand.  “Why are you so certain about this?”

“Macidus supposedly sets you up with your dream match, a modern-day Mr. Sandman, if you will.  I’ve heard nothing but glowing reviews.  I wouldn’t set you up with some smuck, Lo.  I know better.”

“Fine.” He reached out and took the sticky note, looking over it once before sticking it in the cover of his book.  “I’ll think about it.  If I go… consider the deal accepted.”

He still wasn’t sure if he was going to take advantage of the deal that Ezor offered or not, but it was tempting.  He was ninety percent certain that this was all some garbage anyways.  What would be the harm of showing up, going through the motions, and then telling Ezor it didn’t work out?

Ezor beamed.  “Perfect!”  She glanced at her watch and her face immediately paled.  “Oh crap.  I’ve got to run, I’ve got a date with Zethrid tonight and I’m running late.”  She paused and looked to him.  “But, we should have coffee more often, Lo.  I missed this.”

“It’s not my fault you don’t come by anymore.”

“No, but it is your fault you don’t visit me.”  Ezor shot him a look.  “And that it’s a pain in the ass to get you to come to even a coffee shop.  I mean, I’ve been trying to set this up for weeks now, Lo.  Weeeeeks.”

“Don’t you have a date to get ready for?”  He asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Right!” She leaned down to kiss him on the cheek and then was out the door.  Lotor sighed, packing up his books.  With Ezor gone, there was no point to remaining in this coffee shop any longer than necessary. 

~

Lotor stared at the sticky note in his hand, wondering what the hell he had been thinking by going to the address written on it. 

Ezor had promised that she wouldn’t set him up with some smuck, but the mildly rundown place the address written led to begged to differ.  Had she even checked up on this ‘Macidus’ before recommending him to Lotor, or had she just taken the word of her friends without a grain of salt?

To be honest, he didn’t know why he was even here.  It’d been a day since his coffee shop meeting with Ezor, and he hadn’t actually planned on going, no matter how tempting the deal Ezor had presented had been. 

He was supposed to be at home, reviewing over his text book for the test the next morning.  It was an important test, one that he needed to do well on if he wished to keep his class average and 4.0 unweighted GPA. 

Yet when he had opened the book to review, he found himself unable to think of anything other than the sticky note that had fallen from it.

What type of person would this Macidus fellow set him up with?   What would they be like?  Would they be loud and boisterous, or quiet and shy?  Would they be as elegant and beautiful as Allura, or would they be rougher and crude like Zethrid? 

It wasn’t like him to wonder these sorts of things, and he whole heartedly blamed Ezor for these intrusive thoughts. 

He came to the conclusion that the only way he would be free of them was to go, but now that he was here, standing in the drizzling rain outside the ‘establishment’ that Macidus had setup shop in, he was having second thoughts.

His father would have disagreed with him second guessing himself as ‘a leader never falters in his confidence’, but, then again, he also would have disagreed with all of this in its entirety from the beginning.

But… Lotor was already here.  He might as well as continue to see it through. If he did, then he would never have to hear about ‘hook ups’ or complaints about his social life from Ezor again.  She would never bring up his parents again either, which was just a sweet bonus. 

He was already here… it wouldn’t hurt to follow through.  He just had to give this guy an honest try, do as he asked, and then… that was it.  He could tell Ezor it was a bust and move on. 

No harm, no foul.

He took a deep breath and then before he could lose the nerve, entered the building.  There was a brief wondering thought at whether or not this Macidus person would still be around at this time of night, but it was settled as he entered a dimly lit lobby.

There was an upbeat old-fashioned chorus girl song crackling through the ceiling speakers, the volume so low Lotor could only make out the beat and rhythm, but not the words. 

There were pictures on the walls of silhouetted people meeting, holding hands and kissing with various text like ‘Your Lonesome Nights are Over’ and ‘Have Someone to Call Your Own’.  All of them were framed with roses and cover, and Lotor wondered at the significance of that.  Surely there had to be some marketing reason for it?  Roses made sense as this was a match maker service, but what could have been the significance of the clover? 

The music from the ceiling speaker crackled so loud Lotor winced, and he just about nearly turned around and left.  The only reason he didn’t was because of the voice that called out to him from a nearby door way.

“Oh!  Sorry about the speakers, sir.  The building is old.”

“I can tell.”  Lotor replied, his eye twitching despite the smile on his face.  The speakers gave off some more feedback, and both he and the unknown speaker winced.

“Here, follow me.  The back rooms don’t have that annoying speaker.”  The man gestured for Lotor to follow him and then turned his back and exited through the door. 

Lotor glanced at the door, bitterly thinking that his apartment was also void of shrieking speakers; but after a second of hesitation, followed after the other man. 

“I’m Macidus, by the way.”  He smiled at Lotor over his shoulder as he led him into a ~~thankfully~~ much quieter room.

“I should hope so.  I would hate for my trip to have been in vain.” Lotor’s gaze flickered away from the man to examine the room they were in.  This one looked like an office.  There were more posters in here like the ones out in the lobby, except perhaps less faded. 

“Ah!  You’re here for your dream match?” Macidus clapped his hands together, smiling widely at Lotor. 

There was a gleam in his eyes that left Lotor feeling specifically unnerved, although he couldn’t quite place why.  The back of his neck prickled with unease, and once more, he second-guessed his choice to come here. 

“Yes.  My friend believed that I need a ‘companion’.” 

“Most friends just have good intentions.”  Macidus said.  “They only want for another’s happiness.” 

Lotor furrowed his eyebrows, unsure of how exactly to respond to that.  Macidus solved that issue for him, pulling out a chair that was in front of the desk and gesturing to it.  “Please, take a seat.  I like to get to know my clients before I recommend anything.”

“Recommend?” Lotor repeated, taking the offered seat. 

Although Macidus’ smile didn’t visibly change, it somehow seemed wider and sharper.  Perhaps it was just the shadows of the dingy office playing tricks on Lotor’s eyes.  “Oh yes.  Not everyone is the same, you know.  Coffee, tea, water?” He asked, heading over to a small bar off to the side of the desk. 

“How long will this take exactly?” Lotor asked instead.

“Why?  Got a hot date?” Macidus joked, winking at Lotor over his shoulder.  “You seem like a tea type of person.”  He fixed up something and then handed a cup and saucer over to Lotor.  Lotor stared down at the tea in his hand, his reflection looking as perplexed as he felt.  “Take a sip, relax.  Let’s get to know each other.”  Macidus took a seat on the desk, looking down at Lotor with the same smile he had been wearing since he first saw Lotor.

“So, you said a friend recommended you?” He asked. 

Lotor moved to put the cup and saucer down on the desk, before pausing at the look Macidus was giving him.  Once more, Macidus’s face didn’t visibly change, yet there was a look in his eyes that reminded Lotor of how he felt anytime his father would lecture him on his many disappointments.  Zarkon hadn’t done that in quite some time, but the impression it had left on Lotor was a lasting one. 

Funny how someone not even remotely related to Zarkon could make Lotor still feel this way. 

He took a small sip of the tea and then put it on the desk.

“Yes, my friend-”

“Fantastic!” Macidus interrupted him.  “And what were your past relationships like?”

Lotor didn’t need to answer before Macidus’ expression finally changed.  Which would have been a relief if it hadn’t been pity.  “Not too good, huh?  I can tell from your face.  Well, that’s why you’re here. What about your home situation?” 

“Um.”  Lotor blinked, and Macidus’ pity seemed to grow. 

“I see now.  Yeah, I thought you might have had a rough time.  Tell you what,” Macidus snapped his fingers and stood up, circling around his desk.  “I don’t usually pull it out for anyone, but you seem like you need it.” 

“Need what?”  Lotor asked as Macidus knelt down and disappeared from his view. 

“A magic guarantee.” Macidus explained, standing back up with a small bag.  “You seem like a skeptic, but I promise, one night with just one of these, and you’ll completely understand.  Just take one before bed, and I guarantee you’ll find your dream match.”

“How?  What is this?” Lotor asked.  

“Well, it’s simple.  This is a blend of various herbs meant to supplement lucid dreaming.  It’ll help you allow yourself to dream up your perfect match.  Once you’ve done that, we can work on finding them in reality.”

He walked over and put the bag in Lotor’s hand.  “Just try it, sir.  I offer a 100% success rate using this method.”

“Right.”  Lotor nodded, accepting the bag and making a mental note to a) throw the bag away when he got home and b) to chide Ezor for this nonsense first chance he got.

Seriously?  He finally went out on a limb to do as she asked, and she got him into _drugs_. 

“If it makes you feel better, do some research on the herb… or I can give you a powder to use in a tea with cinnamon, ginger, and honey.”  Macidus shook his hand as Lotor stood, and then clasped a hand on his shoulder to guide him out of the office and back to the lobby playing the same static music. 

“If you never try, you’ll regret passing up the chance to find your dream match.” Macidus informed him as Lotor stepped past the threshold of the door of the lobby back out in the rain.  He blinked as the door shut behind him and looked down at the bag to confirm that the strange meeting had in fact occurred. 

The rain had ceased at some point during the short meeting, leading him to wonder how long he had been in there to begin with.  He hadn’t heard the rain fully start or even finish while in the meeting, but the puddles on the ground told him it had rained more than the drizzle from when he first entered.

The whole encounter had felt… surreal. 

He shuddered, mentally shaking it all off, pocketed the bag, and pulled out his phone to message Ezor while on his walk back home.

~

Lotor pushed back his hair, grimacing as he untangled the wet strands that stuck to his hand.  During his walk back home from the campus, the skies had opened up on him and he had stupidly forgotten his umbrella at home.

Huffing, he closed and locked the door behind him, tossing his keys into the bowl by the door. 

A headache was already forming – an unfortunate side effect of the rain that had plagued him ever since he was young – and it wasn’t helped by the business models and terms floating and bouncing around in his head from the test he just finished.  Not to mention Ezor still had yet to respond to him about last night’s ‘adventure’. 

He entered the kitchen, noting that it seemed Dayak had already come by to complete her weekly cleaning.  It wasn’t that Lotor needed a maid or anything, he was a fully functioning adult, but… his parents had insisted on paying for her to come by at least once a week to make sure his apartment was in tiptop shape.

He shook his head, making a mental note to call and thank Dayak for cleaning up the mess he made last night.  He knew for a fact he left at least a puddle on the floor and wet jacket on the table from where he had gotten rained on from last night.

These past two days were just not his days. 

He went straight to his medicine cabinet, grabbing a bottle and shaking out one pill into his hand before taking it dry. 

He toyed with the idea of taking a shower to relax and unwind but decided he had gotten wet enough between the rain showers he took last night and today.  Ultimately, he decided that he needed to go ahead and start working on the project that one of his professors had assigned today.

Early bird got the worm, and all that… and the sooner Lotor finished it, the sooner he could move on to other things.

~

Despite the torrential downpour, the city was constantly alive and busy.  Cars paid no heed to pedestrians, slashing waves of dirty road water upon the unsuspecting as they carried on to their destinations.   From above, Lotor imagined the sidewalk would look like one from a movie, a twisting and churning sea of umbrellas. 

Had he the choice, Lotor would not be out and about at all, but alas, the project he was working on required at least two physical book sources from the school library.  While he could have put off this trip for another time, the weather was forecasted to be this dreary for the next two weeks.

Lotor could not wait two weeks to get those sources.  Besides, he had a class later anyways.  He would have to venture out into the mess sooner or later, so he might as well as go sooner, and get the sources from the library taken care of.

The wind cut through the umbrellas, bolstered by the cars on the road, and Lotor shivered.  He adjusted his hold on his umbrella and took a sip of his tea from the traveler’s mug he brought from home. It was too hot still to drink, but the scent –calming but slightly spicy – was enough to warm him up. 

The streets were rather crowded, but then again, this was a campus city, and the streets were usually busy.  It was just frustrating to him how long the walk to the campus could take sometimes. 

Some days he could make the journey in under 10 minutes, yet other days it could take up to 30 minutes.  Still, it beat out the hassle of the traffic, crazy drivers, and trying to find a parking spot.  The idea of walking was the reason he chose an apartment so close to campus in the first place.

Clearly, he had not thought about days like today.

He cut across the crowds, sticking closer to the storefronts to avoid the cars splashing water onto him.  One of the shops had a door open, a cheerful tune singing about love leaking out onto the street inviting people inside.  He glanced at it briefly, shaking his head at the idiocy of the owners.

Who would leave their shop door open in weather like this? 

He tutted, shaking his head as he walked past it, and took another sip from his thermos just as someone collided into him, sending his drink all over him and the ground and nearly knocking his umbrella from his grasp.

“Shit!  I’m so sorry!”

Lotor looked up, a sharp retort on the tip of his tongue only for it to die as his eyes met the most beautiful shade of blue he had ever seen.  The beauty of the person’s eyes was tainted by the telltale red and puffiness of recent tears, and instead of the retort, “Are you okay?” spilled from Lotor’s lips.

“Me?” The person sniffled.  Rain water had plastered his dark hair to his forehead and face in curls.  He was clearly not dressed for the weather, shivering as he stood half covered by Lotor’s umbrella.  Lotor immediately remedied that, moving the umbrella out to further cover the young male.  “You’re the one who just got steaming hot coffee spilled on their jacket.  Fuck, I am so sorry about that.  Let me buy you a new one?”

“A new jacket or a new coffee?” Lotor asked, arching an eyebrow. 

“Uh, both…?” 

“Don’t worry about my jacket.  Water proof generally means coffee proof too.” Lotor smiled at him.  “But I wouldn’t say no to a new coffee.” 

“Awesome.”  The guy’s flat tone made it sound like Lotor’s response was anything but.  “I was… just heading to a coffee shop myself.”  He nodded over at the open door Lotor had noticed earlier, and together they made their way to it.  “I’m Lance by the way.”

“Lotor.” 

Once inside and under better lightning, Lotor could tell that the redness and puffiness had definitely been from tears.  Lance was in no way dressed to be out in weather like they were experiencing, and to make him pay for a new coffee just seemed criminal in Lotor’s mind. 

Clearly, he had more worries on his plate than paying for a stranger’s coffee, even if he had been the one to spill it in the first place.

They chatted about the weather as they waited in line, and then upon prompting from the server, made their orders: Lance a caramel macchiato and Lotor a black full brew, no sugar, no cream.  Lance fumbled to get his wallet as they approached the register, but Lotor was faster and prepared, paying before Lance could finish with his wallet. 

“Hey, I thought I was buying?” Lance asked. 

Lotor smiled thinly at him.  “Guess you’ll have to get it next time?”

He wasn’t sure why he was suggesting that.  He had no intentions of ever seeing this strangely attractive stranger again, but, his mouth spoke before he could think about the words.  He supposed he wouldn’t mind seeing Lance again for another coffee. 

Perhaps a better time when they weren’t both wet, slightly covered in coffee, and potentially just finished crying? 

“Oh, you think there’s gonna be a next time, do you?”

“You do still owe me a drink.”  Lotor pointedly reminded him.

“This is black mail, extortion, bribery.” Lance pouted, taking both his and Lotor’s drinks from the barista.  “Thank you.”

“Well, if you don’t want to fulfill your debt…”  Lotor trailed off, and Lance immediately puffed up with possibly imaginary offense at the implication. 

“Excuse you.  I settle my debts, thank you very much.”

“Then I don’t see a problem with expecting there to be a next time.” Lotor led them over to a table that wasn’t too close to the door, but still by the window. 

Someone had doodled a clover and a rose into the slightly fogged up glass.  Lance smiled at it, drawing a smiley face beside it.  It was strangely… adorable.  Especially with the way that Lance’s slightly dried hair was curling to frame his face. 

Lance’s gaze switched from the doodles on the glass to Lotor, and Lotor was pleased to note that the redness and puffiness seemed to have faded some.  The smile on his face was still tinged with sadness, and Lotor felt the sudden inexplicable desire to brush that sorrow away. 

What had made Lance – who seemed so innocent and sweet in the short time Lotor had known him – to cry and be so hurt?  It wasn’t in Lotor’s nature to pry, but for the first time since finding Narti crying in a bathroom because her cat was sick, he was tempted to do so.  But why would Lance confide anything in him?  He was a stranger.

Then again, perhaps it was _because_ he was a stranger Lance would tell him something.  It was sometimes easier to speak to strangers about sensitive matters, considering often times they never met again, could offer an outside perspective, and were relatively a judgement free zone.

Instead of asking, Lotor took a sip from his coffee.  Lance’s gaze went to the untouched drink his hands and then back out the window. 

“Why were you out in the rain?” Lotor finally asked after a second sip of his coffee.

“Huh?”  Lance blinked, his gaze switching once more to Lotor.  Lotor was fascinated by how long his eyelashes were and how pretty they looked against Lance’s high cheek bones. 

“You seemed to be in a hurry before, and I was wondering if everything was okay?”  Lotor asked, leaning his head a little to the side in a way that he often saw Ezor do. 

“It’s not important.” Lance dropped his chin, looking down at the table and spun his drink around in his hands. 

“To brave the storm without a jacket or umbrella and then to be in such a rush speaks differently.”

Lance half laughed; although, to call it a laugh – even half of one – was generous.  It was more like a sadly mirthful sharp exhale.  “I guess so, but it doesn’t matter, I guess.  I just… had an argument with a friend and needed to get away.”

“It must have been some argument.”  Lotor gently prompted. 

“You could say that.”  Lance shrugged.  “I… over reacted and needed to get away.”  Lance shook his head.  “It really doesn’t matter.” 

“If it upset you this much, I think it does,” Lotor disagreed.  

“I just don’t want to think about it.”  Lance said, finally picking up his drink and taking a sip.  “What about you, why were you out in this weather?”

“Nothing of any consequence.  I had a class later and figured I might as well as deal with the rain now rather than later.”

“Oh!”  Lance’s entire face brightened.  “You attend school here too?  That’s awesome.  Whatcha major?”

It wasn’t unusual for Lotor to run into people who were also attending school at the campus.  It was a rather large campus, and it wasn’t likely for him to remember everyone who attended, let alone those who attended his classes.  Yet he felt like someone like Lance would have stuck out more to him in his memory. 

“I’m a business major, you?”

“Marine Biology,” Lance chirped.

Lotor nodded.  That would explain why he couldn’t recall seeing Lance before.  The likelihood of them running into each other was slim… yet here they were, having a coffee and sharing a table. 

Lotor didn’t typically believe in fate, but this felt so surreally perfect that he thought it must be.  Of course, the only way to be sure of that was to have another meeting with Lance – something Lotor had already procured. 

“What are your classes like?  I’ve got to take a couple business classes to appease my parents.” Lance asked, leaning forward slightly.  It seemed like a subconscious movement on Lance’s part, which Lotor immediately translated into as ‘interest’. 

Lotor smiled, taking another sip of his coffee before leaning forward himself and launching into a discussion about his classes and the various teachers.

~

The sound of his thirty-minute warning alarm for class and an uncomfortable ache that came from falling asleep at the desk woke Lotor.  He blinked, wearily sitting up and rubbing at his face where the indents of the keyboard had formed against his upper cheek and forehead. 

His computer was flashing at him, some sort of error about ‘sticky keys’ or something.  He blinked at it, pushing his slightly tangled hair back out of his face.  He stared at the computer for a good long minute, his mind working double time to process that he was just waking up at his desk in his apartment.

Hadn’t he just been… at a coffee shop with…He furrowed his brow, the name of the person he had been with failing to come to mind.  Whenever he tried to think of him, all he could remember was his beautiful red-rimmed blue eyes, sad smile, and how _easy_ it had been to speak to him.  

Had… had it all been just a dream?  It’d seemed so real, but if it had been… then how did he end up back at home? 

His gaze drifted down to the bottom right corner of the screen, and he stared at the time until 3:01 turned to 3:02. 

Right.  Thirty minutes till his class.  Well, less than thirty now. 

He shook his head and exited out of the ‘sticky keys’ message before saving his word document – he would fix the nonsense from him sleeping on his keyboard later – and putting the laptop to sleep.  His body ached as he stood, clearly protesting the position he’d fallen asleep in.

Funny.  He couldn’t even remember falling asleep in the first place, but then again, he supposed that was why he used the keyboard as a pillow.   He must have been more tired than he thought to have fallen asleep in such an odd place.

Such an odd dream too – which was odd enough considered he seldom had dreams to begin with.  Already the details of it were slipping away, but he was left with this certainty that it had been so realistic.  He shook his head, mentally resolving himself to push the dream out of his mind.

He had more important things to think about than some strange realistic dream, like his class that he was going to be late for if he didn’t get a move on.

~

Lotor slammed the door shut behind him, his headache from earlier having returned mid-way through class with a vengeance.  Not that it had mattered because the only thing he could think about all class was the blue eyes and sad smile of the person he had shared a coffee with…

No.  _Dreamt_ he shared a coffee with. 

What was _wrong_ with him?  A strange dream, sleeping in a weird place, and not to mention how lethargically tired he felt.  He blamed the nap for that, as he didn’t typically take naps, and it was to his understanding that despite sleeping, if in a weird position or woken too early or late, it could feel as if not having slept at all.

The headache shouldn’t have happened at all with the medicine he’d taken earlier. 

… Wait a moment.

He threw his keys into the bowl, and headed into the kitchen, his gaze dropping immediately to the standard orange pill container left on the counter.  A muted sense of horror came over him and within two strides, he crossed the kitchen and picked up the container. 

The pills inside rattled innocently, but the variety of names printed neatly on the label was anything but. 

The container slipped from his hand to clatter noisily against the counter on its side and roll off the edge to bounce and land on the floor by Lotor’s feet, but he made no move to pick it up.  His heart was racing, his mind panicking. 

How had this happened?!  He had thrown these pills away, hadn’t he?

Except, no… he hadn’t.  He came home wet, tired, and annoyed; and had left the pills in his jacket pocket before heading to bed.  So how had they gone from his jacket to being with his medicine?

….Dayak.

She must have noticed them when she picked up his jacket earlier and had put them with his medicine. 

Fuck.  Fuck, fuck, fuck.

No wonder his headache was still around.  No wonder he had fallen asleep.  No wonder he had that really weird dream.  It was all because he took that crazy match making guy’s drugs! 

Did he need to go to the hospital?  Should he go to the hospital?  Take the drugs with him, and be like “I got these from some crazy man and my cleaning lady added them to my medicine which I stupidly took without looking?”

His mother would never forgive him for being so careless and stupid like this. 

Okay, he just… he just needed to take some deep breaths, calm down, and think this through.  He inhaled deeply, holding that breath until he counted backwards from ten, and then releasing it slowly.  After a couple of times doing that, he felt calm enough to properly consider what to do.

Logically, he probably should go to the hospital.  He took an unknown drug from a questionable source, and who knew what it would do to him.  He knew what the label said, but he had no way to check if that was indeed what he had taken.

On the other hand, Ezor wouldn’t have recommended him to some crack pot giving out drugs that could harm him… would she?  She was one of his ~~only~~ friends.  She cared about him, right? 

But she could still make mistakes. 

Which led him back to the hospital theory.  But if he went to the hospital, not only would he never hear the end of it from his mother – who would find out, doctor-patient confidentiality be damned – then she would also insist that maybe he wasn’t ready to be out on his own.

Never mind the fact that his mother and father had never been there for him in the first place.  It was always governesses, maids, and butlers looking after him for as long as he could remember.  The only time his parents really spent any time with him, it was usually to express their disappointment or nag him.

He would like to resolve this _without_ them getting involved. 

Maybe… maybe he could take a pill to Narti?  She was studying bio chemistry, and pharmaceuticals.  She could test the pill to see if it was truly just a blend of sleep supplements.  If it was, then it was harmless.  If it wasn’t… _then_ he could go to the hospital.

He nodded to himself, bent down to pick up the pill container, and then pocketed it.  He wasn’t keen on going back out into the rain, but the sooner this was resolved, the better.

~

Words did not begin to describe how unimpressed Narti looked as he explained to her in detail the full events leading up to obtaining the pills and taking them.  She tapped on the metal table of the chemistry lab with her sharp nails, a thin eyebrow raised impossibly high as she gave him the flattest ‘really, are you kidding me’ look. 

She stared at him for a good couple of minutes after he finished, keeping that same expression on her face while he twiddled his thumbs and waited for her response. 

She sighed, the tapping of her nails ceased.  “You’re an idiot.” She signed to him less than a moment later, aggressively pointing at him as she signed to further show her displeasure.  “Why am I friends with you again?” 

“Because Ezor wouldn’t stand for her friends to not friends with each other, and you’re dating Acxa?”

“ _Was_.” Narti corrected with sharp movements that fully dictated her aggravation.  “We’re on a break.”

Lotor mentally winced at the pure aggression in her movements as she signed the word ‘break’.  Of course, only now did he vaguely recalling Ezor saying something along those lines about a week or two ago.  Something about Acxa watching some guy named ‘Kevin’ or something.  He didn’t understand what the big deal was.  It wasn’t like Acxa had cheated on Narti.  There was nothing wrong with looking so long as there was no touching, right?

But then again, he had been in so very little relationships himself, and he supposed he wouldn’t really know.

In any case, this just proved to Lotor that maybe he should have been paying more attention to his friends rather than his school work. 

“I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not.”  Narti rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Give me the pills, I’ll run the test for you.”  She held out her hand at the end of her signing, and Lotor dropped them into her palm.  She put them down on the table.  “You’ll have results in a few days.”  She promised.

~

Narti was both more and less helpful than Lotor had hoped for. 

A couple days after giving her the pills, she emailed him with the results and a note for him to come get his sleep supplements.  As far as she could tell, there was nothing weird or suspicious about the pills she tested and had sent him a list of the ingredients that she could confirm.

He spent the walk back to his apartment googling about the ‘drug’ that he’d been given, and for all intents and purposes… all the ingredients inside seemed safe.

Which was what brought him to his current predicament, staring at the bottle of pills sitting innocently on his nightstand.  His hands were clasped under his chin as he rested his head, mentally debating the merits of taking another of the pills.

To take or not to take… that was the question, wasn’t it?

He knew now that the pills were harmless; and he already had one which had produced a dream and a person whose eyes and smile was still on his mind.  Was that just a fluke, or was it all legit? 

If he threw the pills away, would he regret it as Macidus said, or would he regret taking the pills in the first place?  Medically, nothing seemed _wrong_ with the pills… at least as far as Narti could tell. 

Ezor had been right about him spending most – if not all – of his life adhering to the expectations of his parents, and while he didn’t really believe in love… was there really any real risk to taking just _one_ more pill? 

Just as an experiment.  To see if he would redream that person.  Just a test. 

There was no harm to this little experiment, right?  If he took another pill, then he could firmly tell Ezor that he had done as she asked, and she would never bother him about his parents or social life again.  If it didn’t work, then no harm, no foul.  But if it did work…

Lotor swallowed thickly, his stomach twisting uncomfortably at that unfinished thought.

Unbidden, his mind conjured possibilities of his ‘dream match’, the blue eyes that had been haunting his thoughts since he first _accidently_ took a pill flashing in his mind. 

What would it mean if he _did_ dream of that person again?  Was that his ‘dream match’, whatever that meant?  He was skeptical of most things like love, romance, fate, etc.  Yet, some part of him was just so curious about this all. 

There was no harm in taking another pill, just as an experiment.

He knew the ingredients now, and knew it was harmless. 

His mother was Pharmaceutical Researcher… she would have his head if she knew he was taking ‘harmless’ drugs from a ‘match maker’, but maybe that was all the more reason for him to do this.  She was never there for Lotor; no more than his father had been.

Ezor was right.  It was time he started doing more for him instead of his parents, and even if this whole thing was a bust, then at least he was making an effort to finally do things for himself. 

He leaned forward, picking up the small orange container to shake out a dark colored capsule into his palm.  He rolled it around for a second before thinking that he had already gone this far so he might as well.  

Taking it felt… surprisingly anti-climactic. 

There was no instant drowsiness, no spinning colors or anything.  It was just him, sitting on his bed, holding an open pill container. 

He felt.. underwhelmingly stupid.

What had he been thinking?  That he would just… instantly fall asleep and dream of… who ever those blue eyes belonged to?  Ha.  He should have known better.  These were just sleeping supplements, not hallucinogens or anything.

It was stupid of him to think that taking one would prompt dreams of that person.

He sighed, capping the pill container before tossing them into the trash.  What a waste of time, effort, and energy. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this first chapter! :D


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger Warning(s):** Mentioned/Referenced Alcohol, Mentioned/Referenced Drug Use
> 
> If you feel that I need to add/remove warnings per chapter, please give me a message on [Tumblr.](https://star-gazing-knight.tumblr.com/) Thank you!

Lotor sighed, flipping through his text book as Ezor chattered next to him.  He was still mildly miffed at her ignoring his texts, but she already explained that she had been on a school trip where there had not been any cell service. 

Irritating, but ultimately not her fault. 

Not that it mattered.  She told him to throw the pills away and apologized for sending him somewhere crazy.  He already threw the pills away, but it was still nice to know she agreed with that choice. 

“So, then Narti told her that if she was so interested in this _boy_ that she could go date him instead.  Like, can you believe, Lo?” Ezor shook her head, waving her hand and nearly spilling the coffee she was holding all over them both.  “Can you _believe_?” She repeated.

“Hmm.”  Lotor replied, scooting away from her, her waving hands, and the coffee she was holding.   His gaze was still trained on the text book, but one did not stay friends with Ezor after all these years and not know the perils. 

He had enough books that were stained with coffee due to her, and he was not interested in adding to that collection.

“After all the effort I’ve put into their relationship, this is what happens.  Some twink walks by and Acxa gets interested.”  She groaned.  “Zethrid says I should stay out of it, but, like… I built their relationship, damn it!  What’cha think, Lo?”

“Hmm.”  Lotor replied again, scanning down the page at the list of business vocabulary that the professor wanted them to define and give examples of in his latest paper.  Not to mention he had a paper due next week on the Divine Command Theory for his ethics class, and wasn’t that a headache in and of itself? 

Ezor visibly deflated, slumping into her chair, before glancing at her watch and sitting right up. 

“Crap!  I’ve got to go.  I promised Acxa I’d bring back some brandy before I come home, and the ABC store closes in ten.”  She bounced up, packing up her ~~untouched~~ school work before tossing her coffee in the trash and exiting in a rush. 

Well, so much for a proper goodbye.  Lotor exhaled deeply and slowly, not quite a sigh, but not a normal breath either. 

“Lotor?”

Lotor’s first thought was ‘what now?’.  His second thought was that he _knew_ that voice.  He turned his head to see _him_ hoovering by the chair Ezor had just vacated.

The air he was breathing was stuck in this throat next to his voice as his gaze raked over _him_.  _He_ was _real_ , not just the product of some weird dream and sleeping pills. 

Dream-Boy – except, not really Dream-Boy because he was _real_ and _here –_ fidgeted under Lotor’s gaze and they both just stared at each other for a full solid moment.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you… I’ll just…” He trailed off, blue eyes looking away from Lotor, and it took less than a second for his words to make sense in Lotor’s head.

“No!”  Lotor half shouted before his brain caught up to his mouth.  He coughed, clearing his throat awkwardly.  “I mean, no.  You’re fine, really.  I just wasn’t expecting to see you again.”

His gaze darted back to Lotor, and it was hard to tell in the lightning of the coffee shop, but Lotor though that perhaps his cheeks seemed a bit rosier than they had before. 

“Well, I do owe you a coffee… but it looks like you’ve already got one.”  Dream-Boy said, shyly smiling.  He nodded at the seat Ezor had left.  “Mind if I take a seat?”

“Go ahead.” Lotor said while trying to ignore the fluttering stupidity of his heart at the other’s adorable smile. 

“Cool, thanks.”  He put his own drink down and Lotor’s eyes immediately went to the name written on the label.  ‘Lance’ was framed with cute little doodles of clovers and roses. 

Lance. 

That was right, that was Dream-Boy’s name.  _Lance_.  He mentally repeated the name, determined not to forget it this time. 

“Looking at my doodles?” Lance asked.  Lotor’s gaze jerked up to meet Lance’s, and he could feel himself flush slightly at being caught looking at the label.  Thankfully, Lance seemed to think it was the doodles Lotor was looking at.

Small miracles.

“You did those?” Lotor asked, his voice quiet with admiration.  “They are well done.”

“Thanks.”  Lance’s smile broke into a grin, and Lotor swore his heart skipped a beat. 

What was _wrong_ with him?  He didn’t normally feel like this towards _anyone_.  So, what was it that had Lotor feeling so strange and weird around Lance? 

“I didn’t know you drew.” Lotor said, and Lance laughed. 

“Well, we’ve only recently met.”  Lance replied once he was done laughing, mirth still swimming in his eyes and the lazy lopsided smile.

Fuck. 

Lance looked so much more pretty smiling and happy than crying and sad.  That sadness was still there, lingering in the silence between words and behind his eyes, but Lance was a good actor and Lotor would not begrudge him that.

“This is true.”  Lotor agreed, nodding.  “So, you’re an artist?”

“I wouldn’t call myself an artist.”  Lance shook his head.  “I doodle, dabble, and sketch… but I’m not an artist.”

Well, this was going to be a disagreement that Lotor was going to _have_ to get involved in.  That decided, he shut his book with a sharp snap and put it off to the side.  “Not an artist?”  Lotor repeated, furrowing his eyebrows.  “What else does an artist do if not doodle, dabble, and sketch?”

“Artists have work in museums.” Lance replied.

“And if that,” Lotor nodded at Lance’s cup, “is any indication, so will you one day.”

“Ha.”  Lance laughed, that same singular bark of laughter that could barely be called laughter as last time. “As if.  Maybe when I die… If I die famously or something.”

“That isn’t true, I’m sure.” Lotor disagreed.  “Any work of yours belongs in a museum for all to see.” 

“You’re so sweet.”

Lotor fell quiet at that.  Of all the things he had been called, sweet was something he hadn’t heard before.  Sardonic, sarcastic… even sadistic were all things he was familiar with people calling him, but never… _sweet_. 

His stomach flipped, his brain running in circles as he tried to process that _Lance_ thought he was sweet. 

And why shouldn’t he?  Lotor had helped distract him when he was sad before and had complimented him on his drawings and insisted he was good enough to have pieces in a museum.  Why wouldn’t Lance think of him as _sweet_? 

“Lotor?” Lance’s fingertips brushed so gently against his hand, the nails finely manicured and fingers elegantly long.  A class ring with a large inset gleaming blue gem rested on his ring finger.  His voice was as soft as his touch, and Lotor felt his breath catch once again at how… tender Lance sounded.

They didn’t even know each other, not really, yet Lance was just so… so… ‘ _Perfect,’_ his mind whispered.  Lance was perfect. 

He mentally sighed, feeling himself relax as he looked up to smile at Lance.  Lance, who was sitting angled towards Lotor, his eyebrows pinched in mute concern.  “Did I say something wrong?”

“No.” _Never_.  He could never imagine someone as perfect as Lance saying something wrong.  “Just got lost in my thoughts for a moment.”

“With me present?” Lance’s hand withdrew to be held up to his chest in mock offense.  “I’d allow being lost in my eyes, or something, but to be lost within your own mind is just an insult.”

Lotor laughed.  “So full of yourself.”

“Have you seen how I look?” Lance returned quickly.  “You’d be full of me too if you looked like I did.” 

“Oh?” Lotor leaned back, arching an eyebrow.  “What makes you think _I’d_ be full of _you_?” He countered.

He saw the exact moment his words registered to Lance, and glee in the way Lance’s brain seemed to stutter to a stop, his eyes open comically wide, his jaw dropping just enough to part his pretty lips as a quiet “oh” escaped.  That barely noticeable rosy flush returned to his cheeks. 

Lotor wished he could take a picture. 

Almost demurely, Lance looked away, crossing his legs at the knees before uncrossing them and then recrossing them again.  His hands fiddled with the sleeves of his jacket.  A tiny triangle of pink slipped out of his mouth to lick at his lips. 

As much as Lotor was enjoying Lance’s reactions, his governess had raised him better than this.  “My apologies.  I didn’t intend to be so forward.”

“Didn’t you?” Lance playfully snapped back, mostly over the impact of Lotor’s words.  “I should be the one saying ‘sorry’.  I didn’t mean…”

“No, no.”  Lotor interrupted gently.  “I’m the one who twisted your words that way.”

“But I’m the _flirt.”_ Lance’s response was almost a whine.

Lotor chuckled.  “You were flirting with me?” He teased.

Lance froze, once more his eyes wide as he stared at Lotor again.  “No?”  He squeezed out.  “Yes?”  He seemed to shrink in on himself.  “Sorry, I’m… no one usually…”

Lotor furrowed his own eyebrows.  “And why wouldn’t they?  I find your company enchanting and the conversation pleasant.” 

“You really think so?” Lance asked. 

“I don’t make a habit of lying, especially to those I’d like to consider a friend.” Or maybe more in the future.  Ezor was going to have such a field day with this.  Him having a crush on someone.  Stars above, the teasing would be endless.

But Ezor’s teasing would be worth it for someone as perfect and precious as Lance.

“You’d consider me a friend after just two meetings?” Lance asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Might as well as be three.  You do owe me a coffee still.”  Lotor pointed out. “But yes, I would like to.”

“And here I was thinking I was crazy for doing the same.”  Lance laughed.  “Alright, it’s decided then, we’re friends.” 

Friends… Lotor’s heart fluttered.  Yes, friends.  And hopefully something more later down the road if Lance was amendable to it.  He seemed to be, but it would be foolish of Lotor to place too much hope on that without first confirming it. 

Not that he could just come out and say ‘and something more later?’ to Lance.  Not to mention that he didn’t even know if Lance _was_ seeing someone.  Surely he was already taken?  Lotor wasn’t usually lucky enough in life to finally find someone who could make Lotor believe in… a relationship… and be single. 

But then again, based on how Lance had reacted to Lotor’s teasing earlier… perhaps he was single.

Stars above, he hoped he was.

Lance’s foot tapped against his, his fingertips once more brushing against the back of Lotor’s hand.  “Should I be offended you find your mind more agreeable to be lost in?”

“Than your eyes?  If I were to get lost in them, I’d never find my way back out to you.” 

“You’re good.”  Lance said.  “How aren’t you covered in ladies?”

“Most of my friends are female.”  Lotor replied despite knowing that wasn’t what Lance meant. “But none have caught my attention quite like you.”

“Oh.” Once more Lotor was treated to the view of Lance’s mind sputtering to standstill.  It was as beautiful as the first time.  “You’re really good.” Lance said a moment later.

“Would you rather I not be?” Lotor asked.  “I could stop, if you’d like?” 

He wished he could say there was no ulterior motive to his questions, that he was just being a gentleman and respecting if Lance didn’t wish to be flirted with; but the truth was that wasn’t true.  He hoped that Lance would give him a clue as to his own feelings on Lotor and if he was taken or not. 

“I don’t mind.” Lance’s reply eased something in Lotor, both calming his heart and exciting it.  “It’s nice to be on the receiving end for once.”

“For once?” Lotor echoed.  “No, that can’t be right.”

“Yeah, with you around, it’s going to be more than a one-time occurrence, isn’t it?” Lance sighed dramatically.  “Guess I’ll just have to get used to your roguish handsome way with words”

“Roguish?!” Lotor repeated, mock offense heavily implied in his tone.  “I’ll accept handsome, but roguish?  Please, I’ve been nothing but a gentleman.”

Lance once more graced him with his laugh. 

It was surprisingly easy to talk ~~and flirt~~ with Lance.  There was something about the openness of Lance that just made Lotor feel at ease, not to mention the additional benefit of a blank slate for Lotor to impress upon. 

Lance had no expectations of Lotor.  He knew nothing about him, and there was something… thrilling, about that. 

All his life, people had expectations of him; how he should act, what he should say, who he should interact with, when he would be taking over his father’s company – ~~never~~ – or if he was going to make his own.  People tended to look at Lotor with an idea already of what and who he was, but Lance didn’t. 

It was nice to be able to talk with Lance without the weight of those expectations. 

And with how open Lance was, Lotor could tell it wasn’t an act.  Lance wasn’t stringing him along or hiding from him.  It seemed so… genuine and real. 

Not that Lotor’s friends weren’t genuine or real.  He knew they all meant the best intentions towards him, but none of them had just clicked with Lotor in the way Lance did.  Of his friends, Acxa and Allura had come the closest. 

Yet Lance had just… for all intents and purposes, waltzed into Lotor’s life like he always belonged there, despite only two meetings.  There was just something about him that put Lotor at ease, that encouraged him to be open to Lance. 

They’d been talking for the past couple hours, and he knew the shop would be closing soon, but he wanted, _needed_ , confirmation they’d be continuing to talk later.  After this conversation. 

The barista came over to let them know the shop would be closing soon, and Lance looked so downtrodden at the news.  “I guess time just slipped us by.  Sorry to interrupt your studying.”

“You interrupted nothing, Lance.”  Lotor assured him.  “I enjoyed my time with you… and I was hoping, if it wasn’t too forward, if we could talk again sometime?” 

The corners of Lance’s lips quirked upwards, and he looked away as he rubbed the back of his head and neck.  “Yeah.”  He said.  “I’d like that, yeah.”  He paused, looking back at Lotor.  “Could I see your phone?  I’ll give you my number?”

It seemed almost as if his phone teleported to his hand in his haste to pull it out to give it to Lance.  Like he had only thought about handing the phone over before it was ready in his hand. Lance accepted the phone with a smile and quickly texted himself. 

“So, I have your number too.”  He said with a wink as he handed back the phone. “I look forward to our next meeting, Lotor.” 

And Lotor couldn’t say he disagreed.

~

Lotor stretched, the sound of rain hitting his window a quiet song in the otherwise silent apartment.  A faint glow from window – streetlights or morning sun? – cast rain speckled light into the room.  He sighed deeply, not remembering the last time he slept so soundly and woken up so refreshed.

Especially after going to a café.  And man, was he glad he had.  The image of Lance’s adorable face still fresh in his mind and brought a smile to his lips. 

His phone chimed, and Lotor’s heart jumped.  He told himself to calm down.  After all, it could have been anyone texting him, not just Lance. 

He stretched again, forcing himself to _not_ immediately jump for the phone, before finally sitting up and picking his phone up from the nightstand.  To his sorrow, it wasn’t a text from Lance, but instead Ezor.  He made a face, but clicked on her name to open the text.

“Sorry, was on class trip.  Throw those pills away.  We’ll try something different.”

Wait.  No?  She told him that in person… at the café last night, hadn’t she? He could clearly hear her voice saying basically the same thing in his head, remember her sitting down at the café and saying this.  Why was she texting this to him? 

A sense of dread tugged at Lotor, and with slightly trembling hands, he searched through his most recent texts.  Lance had texted himself from Lotor’s phone, hadn’t he?  To give Lotor his number.  He could clearly remember Lance’s phone chiming with a text, and Lance’s wink as he handed the phone back.

There was no way that was a dream.  No way.  It wasn’t possible. It just wasn’t.

Yet there was no new number in his phone, no text to ‘Lance’, nothing.  There was nothing.  And if there was nothing then…

His stomach swooped, falling down a dark hole inside him.  It was like climbing the stairs in the dark and accidently climbing up one stair too many.  He felt sick with the realization. 

Because if there was nothing, then… then last night had been a dream.  _Lance_ had been a dream.

But that couldn’t be possible!

Lance had been too _real_ to be a dream.  He could recall Ezor’s voice as she explained her lack of response and chatted about Acxa and Narti.  He had smelt the scent of the coffee and… Lance had _touched_ him, nudging his foot and brushing his fingertips against Lotor’s hand.

His mother often told him he lacked imagination.  She was never wrong, and so… he couldn’t have imagined all that.  He couldn’t have. 

It _had to be real_. 

But it wasn’t. 

“Lotor?  You don’t usually call me this early; is something up?  Lotor?  Hello?”  Lotor blinked as Ezor’s quiet voice leaked from his phone, and he blinked again as he looked at the call card saying he was on a call with her. 

“Ezor?” He said, holding his phone up to his ear.  “Last night, did you see the guy I was talking to immediately after you left?”

“Uhh… ummm.. No?  What are you talking about?  I didn’t see you last night.” 

“Acxa wanted brandy.” Lotor tried again, wracking his brain for all the things Ezor had said that he could use to jog her memory.  Because the whole encounter was just… too _real_ to have been a dream.  It couldn’t have been. It just couldn’t have been. 

“ _Acxa_ wanted _what_?” Ezor said.  “Seriously, what are you talking about?  Are you drunk?”

Lotor shook his head despite her not being there to see it.  “No.  Acxa wanted brandy.  You needed to pick it up from the ABC store.”

“Acxa doesn’t drink brandy, Lotor.  She doesn’t typically drink at all.  Are you okay?”

Lotor was not okay. Ezor was either playing a really elaborate prank on him – unlikely but not impossible – or… or last night had truly just been a _dream_. 

“Lotor?” Ezor prompted.  “Lotor, do you need me to come over?”

“I’m fine.”  Lotor snapped.  “I’m fine.  It was just… it doesn’t matter.  Thank you for clarifying some things for me.”

“Lot-” Lotor ended the call before she could finish saying his name.  He stared numbly down at the phone, and then once more searched through his contacts and recent texts.  He knew he wouldn’t find Lance but… he just needed to be sure.

It was all just a dream.  Lance had been a dream.  Stars above, no wonder Lance had been so perfect.  He was _dream_. 

Lotor froze.    A dream.  His gaze immediately fell on the trash can he had thrown the pills into and he scrambled out of bed.   Thankfully he didn’t need to dig through the trash to get the pills back.  They were innocently sitting on the top, as if they were waiting for him to pick them back up. 

Twice now he took a pill, and twice now he dreamt of Lance.  That couldn’t be a coincidence.  It just couldn’t be.  There was no way.  Which meant… Lance was tied to these pills.  If he wanted to dream of Lance again, then he needed to take these. 

He couldn’t tell if he should count this experiment as failed or successful.  He knew now that the pills did _something_ to him to cause him to dream of Lance.  Should he continue taking them?  He shouldn’t.  He really shouldn’t.  Lance wasn’t real, just a dream.

Lance was just someone his subconscious made to be a representation of what Lotor wanted in a romantic partner… if he _were_ to be interested in having one. 

But… It was silly and stupid, and he knew it was silly and stupid… but he _wanted_ to see Lance again.

The beeping of his alarm to wake him for school caught his attention and he sighed, shaking his head.  He put the pills in the nightstand drawer to deal with later.

~

“Ezor’s concerned about a phone call from you this morning.” Acxa said as she – and everyone else around him – packed up their stuff. 

Lotor debated doing the same.  Normally he stayed in the classroom as the next class was one he was taking as well, but there was a thirty-minute period between the classes, and sometimes he ran down to the local café that Acxa sometimes worked at to get something to eat.

“Is she?” Lotor replied, deciding to pack up his stuff after all.  It was unlikely Acxa would let him be without talking about whatever worried Ezor (his phone call), and he might as well as walk with her down to Sincline to get something before she started her shift.

“Something about me drinking brandy?”

“I never said you were drinking it, only that you needed it.”  Lotor corrected her.  “It was a dream, that was all.”

“If you’re having difficulty telling dreams from reality…”  Acxa trailed off, but her gaze remained sternly on Lotor.

“I’m not used to dreams, that’s all.  It took me by surprise.  It won’t happen again.”  He half shrugged, finishing up and pulling his back over his shoulder.  “Shall we go down to Sincline?” 

“So I can buy you a sandwich?”

“You get the employee discount.”  Lotor pointedly reminded her.  “And I always pay you back.”

Acxa’s gaze was heavy on him, but he ignored it, quirking an eyebrow at her in a ‘well, are we going’ way.  She shifted her jaw and crossed her arms as she looked away.  “Fine.” She muttered.  “But we’re not done talking about this.”

Lotor said nothing and it wasn’t until they were half way to the café that Acxa spoke again. “Do you want to talk about the dream?” She asked.

Lotor shrugged noncommittally.  “It was just a dream.”

“Nothing is just a ‘whatever’ with you, Lotor.”  Acxa replied.  “Is it stress?  You know you can talk to us, right?”

“It’s really nothing, Acxa.” 

“Is it Ezor?  Ignore her.  I’ve told her its fine that you’re not interested in a relationship.  It’s perfectly normal.” 

“Acxa.”  Lotor sighed.  “It’s fine, really.”

Acxa sighed as well, slowing to a stop and giving Lotor a level look.  She pursed her lips and after a soild moment of silence, asked: “Is it?”

Lotor brushed past her, not giving an answer.  He already responded, and it wasn’t his fault that she wasn’t accepting what he said.  He was _fine_.  Everything was _fine_.  He didn’t need her concern.  He heard her sigh again behind him, and she caught back up with him, walking beside him in silence.

“I heard you broke up with Narti.” Out of the corner of his eye he watched her jerk at his words.

“Since when do you pay attention to Ezor’s gossip?”  She asked, puffing up with indignation.  “I told her it was none-”

“Narti told me actually.” Lotor interrupted, still watching her out of the corner of his eye. 

“Oh.”  Acxa deflated, dropping her head.  She was quiet for another moment, watching her feet as she walked.  “She thought I was interested in someone else.”

“Kevin or something, right?” Lotor asked nonchalantly, like he wasn’t pulling that name from Ezor’s gossip in his dream.  It was unlikely to be right, but… then again, he was barely listening to her.  He just remembered it started with a ‘K’. 

“Close.  Keith.” Lotor nearly tripped over himself at Acxa’s response, his mind sputtering to a stop before rebooting in a frenzy. 

He already established it had been just a dream, but he couldn’t recall any time Ezor had been gossiping about the guy Acxa was sorta-maybe interested in besides the dream conversation.  

Was it just a coincidence?  It had to be.

“I’m not really interested in him.  Not the way Narti thought I was.”  Acxa sighed again.  She wrapped her arms around herself, not quite crossing them, but not quite giving herself a hug either.  “I just…”  She trailed off and shook her head.  “It doesn’t matter.” 

“Apparently it does.”

“Apparently it doesn’t.” She countered, dropping her arms.  “I don’t want to talk about it.  I get enough from Ezor, I don’t need it from you too.”

“Fine.” Lotor ground out.  “But in the future, perhaps you should consider the same for me.”

“That was out of concern!  That’s different and you know it.”

“Am I incapable of concern then?” Lotor snapped back.  “I asked out of concern for you and Narti.  How is that any different than you prying into my dreams?”

Acxa’s head snapped to him, her eyes narrowing, but she didn’t say anything further on the matter.  Instead, she switched to an equally unpleasant topic.  “You have a dinner with your parents in a couple weeks, don’t you?”

“I wasn’t aware you followed my schedule so closely.”  Lotor drawled, mentally grimacing at the reminder of the dinner. 

It was unlikely that they’d actually show up.  They never did.  Lotor would show up, as he always did, and sit alone at the family dinner while the maids and butlers served him food and pitying looks.  The one time he hadn’t shown up was the one time that they had, and that was a mistake that Lotor was determined to never make again.

“I could go with you if you’d like?” She offered, and Lotor frowned. 

“We broke up months ago, Acxa.  You’re no longer obligated to attend.”

Honestly, it wasn’t like she had gone to the dinners even when they were dating.  His father had made it quite clear that he found her wanting and underserving of his son’s attentions at the one dinner where they’d all been present.  Acxa was only welcome as a friend, and even then, just barely. Lotor’s mother was more welcoming when she wasn’t distracted by the siren call of science.

“You hate those dinners… why do you go?”

“They might show up.  It would be rude of me to stand them up.”

“Like they don’t stand you up in the first place.” She rolled her eyes.  “You deserve better, Lo.”

“Acxa, just stop.”  They came up to the café, and stopped in front of it, with Lotor looking down at Acxa in exasperation.

“Fine.  Whatever.”  She waved her hand as if to wave off Lotor.  “Forget I asked.”

“Already forgotten.”  He half smiled at her.  “Your concern is touching, but I am fine.” 

The look she gave him told him exactly how much she believed him, but she rolled her eyes again, the beginnings of a smile tugging at her lips.  “Yeah, yeah.  Make sure you stay as much, kay?”

Lotor nodded.  He reached for the door to open it for her when a familiar sound reached his ears.  He fumbled with the door, straightening up to scan the crowds for… No.  No, Lance was a dream, not real.  And the laughter he just heard couldn’t have been from him.  It had to be his imagination. 

“Lotor?” Acxa’s hand was a grounding presence on his arm, her eyes slightly narrowed as she looked up at him.  He could see the questions she wasn’t asking in her eyes, her lips firmly pursed to keep them locked away. 

“I thought I heard something.  It’s nothing.”

Because it was nothing.  Lance was a figment of his imagination.  A dream.  Nothing more, and nothing less.  No matter how much he wished otherwise.  It just simply wasn’t meant to be and would never be. 

His mind was just playing tricks on him, playing with his desire for Lance to be real.  That was all.

She gave him that look again, the one that said she didn’t believe him, and nodded slowly.  “Right.  Sooo... you staying for a sandwich?” She asked instead of the myriad of other questions he imagined running through her mind. 

Lotor looked around once more, his gaze scanning each and every passing face before looking back at her.  He nodded with a thin smile.  “Of course.”

~

Lotor laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling.  The tick of a clock somewhere in the apartment counted the seconds as they passed.  A car passed by his apartment, and the headlights cast shadows across the room.

He turned his head and glanced at the clock, revealing it to be some ungodly time in the morning.  He sighed.

He woke up due to a need to use the bathroom and had been unable to resume sleep since then… and that was hours ago.  He hadn’t even had a dream despite the pill he’d taken. 

Another car passed.

Maybe it wasn’t the pills after all?  Maybe they didn’t do anything, and the dreams were just caused by a placebo affect?  Or maybe he just finally started to have dreams and there was nothing he could do to prevent or trigger them?

Another car passed.

His phone chimed once, a quiet light tone representing a number not in his contacts. He furrowed his eyebrows, sitting up and swiping his phone off his nightstand.

“Class today?”

His stomach did a funny little flip and he shifted, struck with a sudden and intense since of uncertainty.  He tapped idly on the phone screen away from the keyboard, debating whether or not to respond.  He exhaled shakily and nodded to himself. 

“No.” He texted back.  The three little dots that indicated a reply popped up, vanished and then…

“Did I wake you?” Lotor reread the text once, twice, three times.  He swallowed thickly before licking his lips. 

“Couldn’t sleep.  What’s up?”

Once more the dots popped up and vanished, but this time they returned.  He stared at them, his heart thudding so loudly in his chest it sounded like someone knocking heavily at his apartment door. 

“Was thinking about that coffee I owe you.  Thought maybe I could repay you later today?”

His breath was caught in his constricting throat, his head dizzy with his sudden inability to breath.  “Lance.”  He whispered, clutching his phone as if it was a lifeline.  Another car passed by, the headlights casting shadows through the sheer covered windows.  Lotor took a deep shuddering breath and typed out a response.

“Have a place in mind?”

“I was thinking the café where we first met?” Lance texted back nearly instantly. 

Lotor blinked, his memory of that first encounter vague and fuzzy.  It was near the school and had left their door open despite the rainy weather.  There’d been a design drawn in the window… or had it been drawn in the fog in the window?

He couldn’t recall it exactly, but he was sure he would have no difficulty finding it.  It was something about roses or clovers or something.  If he couldn’t find it, then he was sure it wouldn’t be that difficult to look up. 

“I remember it.”  Lotor replied.  “When did you want to meet up?”

“When’s good for you?”

Lotor’s stomach flipped again as his gaze fell once more upon the clock.  He toyed with the phone as he considered an answer.  He was already up – or was he? – and it wasn’t like he had anything better to do…

His stomach twisted itself into knots as he typed out “Now?” and pressed send. 

Perhaps it was too forward or impulsive to request that they meet for coffee now, but, he… he just needed answers.

Acxa didn’t need Brandy, he hadn’t met with Ezor at the coffee shop when he got Lance’s number.  But.. but…

He rubbed his sheet between his fingers, combed his hand through his hair… smeared a fingerprint against the glass screen of his phone.  It was all too real.  Too real to be a dream, too real to be fake.  Yet, he knew that Lance was a product of a dream. 

But what dream was this realistic?  What dream had him lying in bed after thinking he had woken, had him using the bathroom, and now had him getting out of bed and getting dressed for the day while waiting for Lance to respond? 

The ticking clock only seemed to accentuate the time passing between his response and Lance’s.  With every tick and every tock, the bundle of nerves in Lotor’s stomach grew larger and larger, threatening to crawl up his throat and out his mouth. 

He sat down on his bed, his gaze focused on the phone in his hands, his fingers pointlessly tapping on the screen as he debated texting Lance again when the phone chimed from an incoming text.  He fumbled the phone as he read the text.  

 “Bet I can beat you there.”

He could actually hear Lance’s voice in his head as he read it, and he half laughed, shaking his head.  “No bet.” He replied.  He had no idea where Lance lived, or how far away it was from the coffee shop.  Plus, Lotor would have to relocate it again – a feat he was surprisingly confident in. 

“Lol.  Wise choice.  See you there soon.”

~

It wasn’t difficult for Lotor to locate the shop.  Like before, the coffee shop’s door was open as an invite for people on the streets to come inside.  Despite the light drizzle coming down, the scent of fresh coffee mixed with various baked breakfast goods drifted out through the door. 

His stomach growled as he approached, reminding him that it’d been a while since he last ate. 

He stopped short upon seeing Lance.  He was leaning against the counter, chatting with the barista.  They both broke into laughter, and Lotor swallowed thickly, reminding himself that he had _questions_ to ask Lance. 

Yet those questions fell from thought like autumn leaves falling from a tree as Lance looked over at him and _smiled,_ raising his hand in greeting.  “Hey, I was just about to text you… see if you got lost.”  Playful mirth showed in his stance and tone, and Lotor had no doubt that there’d be a glimmer of it in Lance’s eyes too. 

“Not lost.”  Lotor assured him with a smile. 

“So I see.”  Lance replied.  “Saves me the trouble of going to find you but prevents me from being your knight in shining armor.”

Lotor scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Please, if anyone’s the princess between us, it’s you.”

“Oh yeah, He’s a real regular pillow princess.”  The barista cut in with a snort.  “You’ll have your hands full with Lance.” She added, eyeing Lotor.  “But you look like you’ll be just fine.” 

Lance looked offended for all of a second, his mouth dropping open and his eyes wide.  And then he snapped back to himself and put his hands on his hips, playfully glowering at the barista.  “Come on.  If I’m any type of royalty, I’d be a size queen and you know it, Pidge.” 

Lotor was glad he didn’t have a drink yet because he was certain he would have choked on it from just this conversation alone.  Thankfully the café was empty bar himself, Lance, and the barista – Pidge. 

“I take it you two know each other?” Lotor asked. 

“Pidge’s a good friend of mine.”  Lance confirmed.  “I didn’t know she worked here till just today.” 

“I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d come in and bother me… just like you are now.” She replied, crossing her arms as she glared at Lance.  Despite the heat in her stance, there was none in her words.  Lance seemed to pick up on this as he grinned as he proceeded to provoke her. 

“Awh, c’mon Pidgeon, you can’t talk like that to me; I’m a paying customer.” 

“You’ll be paying to get my foot removed from your ass.” Pidge retorted, rolling her eyes. 

“Kinky.”  Lance replied before pausing, an odd look crossing his face before he grimaced and added, “And not in the good way.  Geez, Pidge, didn’t know you had a foot fetish.  I’m learning so much about you today!”

“Oh, shove off or order.”  She snapped. 

“After all these years… you don’t know my order?” Lance asked.  His bottom lip quivered as he pouted, looking as if he were a puppy that Pidge had just kicked.  

“I don’t pay attention to the caramel monstrosity that you drink.”  Pidge replied with all the ease of someone who had been on the receiving end of one of the those pouts too many times. 

“It’s a caramel macchiato, you monster.”

“Macchiato, Monstrosity… same difference.”  She muttered as she turned to the register and started pressing some buttons.  She paused after a moment and looked to Lotor, quirking an eyebrow.  “And you?” She asked.

Lance turned to him as well, his pout dropping for a more natural – but no less attractive – expression.  “What do you want, Lotor?”

The hair at the back of his neck rose at the question, a strange tingling sensation washing over his body.  It left him feeling strangely uncertain and unsure – a sensation rare for him.  He licked his lips and answered their question. 

“Chai Oolong tea, if you have it?”

Pidge nodded, turning back to the register, but Lance remained watching him for another couple heartbeats before looking at the food display next to the register.  It felt like Lance was searching for something in Lotor, but if Lance found what he was looking for, Lotor didn’t know. 

“Oh, and a ham and cheese biscuit.”  Lance added on before looking back to Lotor.  “You should get something too, unless you’ve already eaten?”   As if answering Lance, Lotor’s stomach growled.  This time the back of his neck prickled with embarrassment as Lance laughed.  “Guess that’s a no.”  He teased.  “Their coffee cake is really good.”

~

The flavor of the coffee cake lingered after leaving the coffee shop.  Beside him, Lance was sipping on the macchiato he had gotten to-go.  They both fit comfortably under the safety of Lotor’s umbrella. 

Normally Lotor enjoyed his personal space; even more so when it came to umbrellas.  There was just something so… disgusting about sharing a close space when wet and sticky from rain and humidity.  But somehow, he didn’t mind it with Lance.

Besides, it wasn’t like he would be sharing with Lance for long.  He was only walking him to the bus stop near the café.  The walk wasn’t even five minutes long. 

“I can’t believe you’ve never been to the aquarium.”  Lotor sighed, continuing their conversation from the café. 

Lance shrugged, his shoulder brushing against Lotor’s arm as he did so.  “It wasn’t on my list of priorities… besides, none of my friends wanted to go, and going alone is just stupid, ya know?”

Lotor did know.  Too many times he begged his parents as a child to take him to the museum or aquarium only to be turned down.  When he was finally old enough to go by himself, he found the entire experience to be… underwhelming. 

Especially when compared with the time he went to an art museum with Acxa, Ezor, and Narti for one of Ezor’s art projects.

Not that museums or aquariums couldn’t be enjoyed alone but... there was something about experiencing it with friends that just made the experience better.  At least, for Lotor, and apparently Lance as well.

“Are we not friends?” Lotor asked. 

“What?  Of course we are!” Lance sputtered a response, looking up at Lotor with such incredulity, as if he was mentally asking ‘why would you even ask that?’.  

Lotor gave him one of his softest smiles.  “Then at least one of your friends would like to go with you.  You said you have class later today, so how about tomorrow?”  Lotor asked, slowing to a stop at the bus station Lance needed.

Lance also stopped, his mouth curling up into a smile as he looked up at Lotor.   “Really?”  He asked as the bus pulled up a little ways behind them.  Lotor didn’t even bother looking at it, his attention solely on Lance. 

“Really.”  He nodded. 

Lance’s smile was as bright as a sun.  “I look forward to it.”  He took a step back and half turned as if he was going to the bus, and then paused.  He moved so quickly, Lotor was frozen as Lance turned back to him and stood on his tip toes to brush his lips against Lotor’s cheeks. “It’s a date.”  He whispered before turning and jogging over to the bus.

Lotor touched his hand to his cheek where Lance had kissed him.  He took a shallow breath, blinking through the shock before laughing and smiling.  Lance had _kissed_ him, and they had a date tomorrow.  He couldn’t wait.

~

Lotor woke with his hand still pressed to his cheek.  For a moment, the taste of coffee cake lingering on his tongue before he licked his lips and swallowed, and it was gone.

The room was dark and the rain hitting the window was a quiet lullaby.  His phone chimed and lit up, the bright light painful to his eyes after the darkness of the room.  He groaned, rolling over and burying his face into the pillow. 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger Warning(s):** Referenced/Mentioned Sex, Referenced/Mentioned Alcohol, 
> 
> If you feel that I need to add/remove warnings per chapter, please give me a message on [Tumblr.](https://star-gazing-knight.tumblr.com/) Thank you!

It wasn’t often that Lotor indulged himself to a trip to the Natural Science and History museum in the city.  He tried to reason that if he came too much, then his visits wouldn’t be as special anymore, but he knew the truth was deeper than that.

The truth was that he _regretted_.

He regretted a lot in his life, but he liked to think it all stemmed from his estranged relationship with his parents.  Perhaps if it was better, then he would the social skills and trust for friends.  Perhaps if he had their _support_ instead of their _expectations_ … perhaps he could have been _happy_.

And what a notion: that he could possibly ever be _happy_ in his life!

Perhaps he could have been doing something that he wanted to do with his life – what made him _happy_ — instead of what he was _expected_ to. 

He hated expectations.

And that was one of the things that was so beautiful about Lance to Lotor.  He didn’t have expectations of Lotor… at least, not like how everyone else did.  Certainly, he had expectations now, after their coffee dates… if he could call those meet ups dates. 

He wasn’t sure what they were exactly, but he knew Lance’s expectations wouldn’t chafe or restrain him like his parent’s had.  It was… a gut feeling. 

“What do you want, Lotor?” Lance asked, leaning backwards against the railing that Lotor was leaning against.  The museum was behind them and he had been looking out at the busy courtyard, full of people and children. 

Lotor twirled a four-leaf clover that Lance had found in the nearby park in between his fingers, his lips pursed as he looked down at it.  These were supposed to represent luck, weren’t they? Perhaps Lance giving him this meant he was going to get lucky for once in his life and everything was going to go _right_.

“What do you mean?”

He took Lance to the museum as a date… another ‘special occasion’ excuse to visit.  It was nice showing Lance one of his favorite places to go as it was sometimes lonely to go by himself.  But Lance’s question was… concerning.

Did he mean in their relationship – if that was what Lance wanted to call it – or was he talking about something else? 

Lotor wasn’t sure exactly what he wanted with Lance.  There was certainly a physical appeal to him and a chemistry between them that Lotor found difficult to ignore.  But what exactly did he _want_ from Lance? 

What was expected from him?  Did Lance expect them to get together?   Would Lotor mind if he did?

Lance was more than just sweet on the eyes; he was sweet in general and kind.  A bit of a dork as Lotor had learned during this trip, but somehow, that was endearing.  Thinking on it… he wouldn’t mind if Lance _were_ to want something more. 

Lotor wanted something more between them.   

“In life.”  Lance clarified.  “What do you want, Lotor?” Lance’s voice was honey smooth and soft.  It stood out beautifully with the background noise of the crowds.  But then again, everything about Lance was beautiful to Lotor. 

Lance didn’t just wear his heart on his sleeve, he waved it around on a giant flag that he carried about.  There wasn’t a single part of Lance that wasn’t expressive.  His eyes, his movements, his voice… all of him conveyed how he felt, and it was… beautifully refreshing.

Lance was like taking a deep breath of fresh air after inhaling stale air for years.  He was like taking a walk outside in a garden just after a spring shower when the world was beautiful and renewed.  He was like the cool crisp air of autumn, blowing away the regrets of summer. 

The regrets of a lifetime. 

He let the rose he was holding go, and watched it fall into the air and be caught by the breeze.  He watched it twist and spin in the air until it fell gently and sorrowfully onto the courtyard below only to be trampled moments later by one of the children. 

It was fitting, considering how fleeting and beautiful love could be, lasting only but a moment before being trampled by the stampede of life.  But that was true of anything, wasn’t it?  Life just _loved_ to stamp down on people and squish and squeeze them until there was not a drop of life left in them.

Until they were dead, ugly, trampled smears on the ground. 

He wished it wasn’t like that… he wished he could be…

“I think I’d like to be happy.” He murmured. 

Lance’s responding hum was almost lost to the noise of the world.  “I think everyone wants that.” Lance commented a moment later.  “But what would make you happy?”

There was a lot of things that would make Lotor happy; very few of which fell within Lance’s realm to control.  It was pointless to hope and wish for things he knew would never change – parents who cared, a major he enjoyed – but…

But there was one thing Lance could offer.  “Just being here with you is enough.”  Lance’s face held an unreadable expression as he looked out in the distance. 

~

“Hey, Lo.” Ezor’s soft voice startled him, and he jumped, looking at her with wide eyes.  

She invited herself to the metal library table, not even bothering to hide her snooping as she tilted her head and read the titles of one of the piles of books stacked on the table.  “Doing a side project?”  She asked, quirking her eyebrow at him once she was done. 

“You could say that.” Lotor replied, snapping the book shut.  Ezor leaned up to read the title. 

“’ _Dreaming: An Introduction to the Science of Sleep’_ by J. Allan Hobson, MD?” She read out loud, the question clear in her tone.  “Didn’t take you for the type to be interested in _that_ stuff.”

Lotor replied in a long drawn out sigh.  “Can I help you?  You don’t normally come into the library.” 

Ezor’s pursed lips turned into a frown as she studied him quietly for a moment.  “Well that was before you made the library your new haunt.” She reached out and started playing with a corner of one of his piles of books.  “You’ve been spending a lot of time in here the past couple of days… I just wanted to see what was up.”

“Nothing is ‘up’.”  Lotor replied.  “I have a lot of school work that I need to be working on, that’s all.”

She hummed.  “It’s not like you to let school work pile up.”

“I’m not letting it pile up.”  Lotor snapped.  “And what are you, my mother now?”

She winced and exhaled sharply.  “Rude, Lotor.  Just rude.”  She crossed her arms.  “If you have time for this ‘side’ project, then you have some time to spend with your _friends_.  It’s been a long time since we last saw you.”

“Acxa sees me in class.”  Lotor replied, although… Ezor did have a point.  It had been a while since he last saw any of his friends.  He tapped a finger on the cover of the book, and avoided looking at her. 

“That’s not the same and you know it.” Ezor replied.  “You can’t just keep yourself locked up in your research, Lo.  You’re not your mother.” She reached out and rested her hand on his as she said the last part.  Lotor looked up sharply, narrowing his eyes at her.

“I wasn’t…”  He trailed off, seeing the look Ezor was giving him and sighed.  “Fine.  What did you want?”

“Great!  So, me, Zethrid, and Acxa are heading to the club on Friday to help get her mind off Narti…”

~

The museum wasn’t the last of Lotor’s dates with Lance. 

Every night he took a pill, or at least he thought he did, intent on asking Lance questions that he needed and wanted answered, and every night, those questions slipped away to the back of his mind upon seeing Lance and became ridiculous when Lotor later thought of them.

How could this not be real?  How could any of this not be real?  If it quacked like a duck, looked like a duck, and walked like a duck, then it was a duck.  This felt real, looked real, smelled real.  This was real, and so was Lance. 

But then again, the time when he wasn’t with Lance… when Lance seemed to not exist at all felt and looked real too. 

He had taken to researching dreams and sleep when he wasn’t at class or on a date with Lance, but nothing that he read could answer his questions.  Could explain to him how to tell the difference between reality and the dreams.

He groaned, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose as he took a short break from the dream science book he borrowed from the library. 

Arms wrapped around him, carrying with them the familiar scent of caramel macchiato.  A pair of lips pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, and the heat from it lingered after the lips were gone.  “Still studying for that test?”  Lance asked as he pulled away.  He trailed a hand along Lotor as he walked around to take a seat on the sofa next to him.

Lotor’s mind blanked on the test that Lance could have been referring to and he looked down at his text book as if it’d give the answers, and in a sense, it did.  He brushed his hand over the cover of his textbook. 

“It’s an important test.”

“All tests are ‘important’ to you.”  Lance replied, rolling his eyes. “But I suppose that’s what makes you you.”  His fond smile made Lotor feel warm.  He looked down at the textbook, unsure of how to properly respond to that. 

He frowned, brushing his hand over the cover again.  “My father wanted me to study business.  To follow in his footsteps.  If I don’t do well in my classes…” Lotor trailed off. 

“He’ll still love you.” Lance assured him. 

“I’m not so sure.  You don’t know him.”  Lotor replied. He sighed again.

“This is all you’ve dreamed about since you were little, Lotor.”  Lance rested his hand on Lotor’s knee.  The weight was warm and comforting.  “You’re following your dreams; how could he not respect that?” 

“Because it’s not ‘respectable’.”

“There’s plenty of respect in this field.  You’ll be studying ancient histories and cultures… traveling all around the world.  You might even become a renowned anthropologist and be featured on documentaries.  If he doesn’t respect that, then he’s a fool.”

Lotor laughed humorlessly.  “You truly do not know my father.”

Lance had no response for that, not that there really was one.  They’d been on a couple of dates but had yet to take on any official titles or anything.  It was a bit soon to introduce Lance to his parents, and honestly, he was in no rush to.

His parents had never approved of Acxa, although they never told him why, and his relationship with Allura had been _arranged_ by _them_ and Allura’s parents.  He had been content in that relationship, but Allura had wanted more.  And to his knowledge, they never knew of Sendak. 

Which was probably for the best considering Sendak’s position in his father’s company. 

In any case, now that he potentially had _more_ with Lance, Lotor could finally understand why Allura had broken it off with him.  Having experienced this now, he wouldn’t have settled for less either. 

“Maybe I will one day.”  Lance finally replied, and all the air left Lotor’s lungs at that response.  He swallowed thickly and took Lance’s hand and held it. 

Perhaps Lotor was reading too much into it, but Lance’s reply seemed to imply that Lance was willing to one day meet his parents.  That he was willing to one day reach _that point_ in their relationship.  Just the thought made Lotor feel sick with anxiety. 

“One day, perhaps.”  Lotor’s mouth was dry as he replied. 

As wonderfully terrifying the thought of Lance wanting their relationship to reach that point, the idea of his _father_ meeting _Lance_ was truly a terrible one.  He could only imagine how disapproving they’d be of Lance.  He didn’t even know why they’d disliked Acxa.  How could he know if they’d approve of Lance?

And he _wanted_ them to approve of Lance.  He really did.

He couldn’t imagine anyone _not_ liking Lance.  He was just so friendly and sweet and open.  Seriously, how could anyone _not_ like him?! 

“We should speak of more pleasant topics.”  Lotor redirected.  Normally, he was more subtle about this, but he just really needed the topic changed.  Thankfully, Lance seemed to understand.  

“Like?” Lance asked, readjusting himself so he was more comfortable and leaning on Lotor.  He rested his head against Lotor’s shoulder, and Lotor’s heart fluttered. 

“Hard class today?” Lotor asked, pulling his arm away from Lance so he could wrap it around him instead.  Lance grumbled at the movement, but just readjusted to snuggle up more to Lotor.  It was strangely perfect how well Lance fit there. 

Not to sound like the sappy romance books that Ezor read, but it was almost as if Lance was _made_ for him. 

“I thought we were changing to a more pleasant topic?” Lance half-heartedly complained.  “But yeah, today’s class was hard.  I don’t really want to talk about it.”

Lotor hummed, absent mindedly stroking Lance.  For as open and expressive as Lance was… there was a lot that Lance ‘didn’t want to talk about’ like why he was crying in the rain the first time Lotor met him, his family, his homelife. 

He figured Lance would tell him in time, after all, they hadn’t been dating for that long.  They’d only gone on a handful of dates.

“Then what would you like to talk about?” Lotor asked. 

Lance was quiet for a moment as he thought about it.  “Talk to me about the test you’re studying for.  If you can teach it to me, then you know you’re ready for the test.” 

Lotor laughed and nodded.  “Very well then.”

~

Lotor tapped his stylus against his tablet as Professor Thace droned on about Marketing or something.  The words he said bounced around almost sluggishly in Lotor’s mind, the vocabulary simple yet somehow complex. 

He knew what each individual word meant, but when combined, he was lost.  ‘Bounce rate’, ‘Click-through-rate’, ‘Conversion Rate’?  He didn’t understand. 

A low steady headache had formed ever since he walked into class, and it was only steadily growing worse as the class progressed. 

He didn’t even thought he was in the right class, yet professor Thace had called his name for attendance and he had all the materials for it.  So clearly this must have been his class.   To be honest, he didn’t really remember waking up or even the journey to class. 

Some part of him was worried about that, but he just felt tired more than anything.  He covered a yawn and then sighed, slumping further into his seat before propping his head up with hand.  After a few more minutes of the lecture, Lotor yawned again into the palm of his hand. 

He closed his eyes and felt the fuzzy haze of sleep calling him like a siren song.  He had been doing a lot of research lately, and that left little time for sleep.  Or maybe he had been sleeping and just not realizing it?  Or maybe he was sleeping now? 

No.  No, that didn’t make sense. 

Fuck, he was so tired, and the headache made it hard to think. 

Acxa nudged him, and he blinked back into consciousness.  He sighed, shooting her a look for disturbing him.  She looked down at his tablet before looking back up at him, and it took him a few moments of her doing that to realize she wanted him to look down at the tablet. 

At first he couldn’t see why she wanted that until the flashing orange of an ‘unread notification’ in his messaging app caught his attention.  He pulled it up to see a message from Acxa.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just a headache.”  He replied and then turned to smile in what he hoped was a reassuring away.  It obviously had the opposite effect as she frowned in concern.  She turned back to the tablet and typed out a reply.

“You sure you’re good for the class after this one?  I know you want your attendance to be perfect, but maybe you should go home and get some sleep?  Ezor said you’ve been pushing your limits with research… maybe you should take a break.”

“I’m fine, but thank you for your concern.”  He typed back.  Beyond Acxa’s sigh, she didn’t respond until the end of class after the professor reminded them that they had a test the next time class met. 

“You know we’re here for you if you need anything, right?” She asked. 

“Of course.” 

She waited, as if expecting him to say something else, but he had nothing else to say to her.  He didn’t need her for anything concerning. 

~

Lotor chewed on the end of the pen as he considered the answers to the open-ended questions at the end of the test.  He breezed by the multiple-choice and true/false questions, filling in the scantron with a pencil.  The hardest part of those questions was making sure that his scantron didn’t have any accidental marks.

There were three open-ended questions but only two of them needed to be answered.  He could pick which two he wanted to answer, and the third could be answered for additional credit. 

He answered two of the questions easily, but the third was not as easy and focused a bit more on symbolism.  It showed two example labels and asked which label was better and why, putting emphases on explaining the symbolism in the label that was chosen.  But the only real difference that Lotor could tell between the two labels was that one of them had lotus and orange lilies where the other had white clover flowers and roses.

He could have just skipped the question and turned in his test.  He knew had done well on the rest of it and it wasn’t like that third question was required.  It was only extra credit, yet the perfectionist in Lotor wouldn’t let him leave the question alone.

He took a deep breath and made a choice. 

The sooner he finished this test, the sooner he could go home to get ready to meet up with Ezor and the others.  He wasn’t particularly keen on visiting the club as he turned down an invitation for a night out with Lance, but… a promise was a promise.

~

Lotor yawned as he stretched out on the bed.  His mind sluggishly pushed at him to get up and get going, but the time on the clock wasn’t anything concerning.  He had only been asleep for about a half an hour after getting home from taking a test at school.  He yawned again, this time so wide it popped his jaw, and sighed. 

His phone chimed, and it took him a full moment to realize that was what had roused him from his short nap in the first place.  He turned over, patting the nightstand for his phone and then slide grabbing it and bringing it to his face.

He squinted at the bright light, staring at Ezor’s text until the blurry letters became clear and then rereading the text two or three times to fully understand the words.

 “Don’t forget: Club Tonight!”  Complete with Party hat emojis. 

He rolled his eyes, tossing his phone off onto his bed, and face planting into his pillow with a noise that was half groan and half whine.  The phone chimed again, undoubtably her sending the message again or asking him if he was still going.

He pushed himself up, swiping the phone off his bed and texting her back.  “Yeah, yeah.  I’ll be there.”

He stretched as he stood and made his way to his closet, picking out the outfit he was planning to wear before heading over to the bathroom to get ready. 

Lotor brushed through his hair before tying it up in a high ponytail.  In his admittedly limited experience in going to clubs, he knew that it was best to put his hair up.  Leaving it down only led to it being tangled and pulled.  Not to mention clubs were usually hot and damp hair on the back of his neck was never comfortable.

He supposed that was why Ezor always kept her hair in a pony tail.  Well, that and to show off all the different hair colors she dyed it. 

He glanced at the clock and sighed.  There was a couple more hours yet till they were supposed to meet at the club. 

He might as well as make use of the time and grabbed one of the books he borrowed from the library, set an alarm on his phone, and settled down on the couch to do some reading.

~

The blaring of his phone alarm startled Lotor awake, the book he was reading before falling asleep fell to the floor.  He blinked a couple times, panting slightly from the shock of the wake up. 

He shook his head after a moment, picking up the book and putting it on the coffee table.  He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before standing and heading to the bathroom to both relieve himself and touch up on his club look. 

It wouldn’t do any good for him to show up looking like he had just woken up…  even if that was what just happened.  

Thankfully the trip to the club wasn’t a far one, a perk to his apartment’s location, and it wasn’t hard for him to locate the girls outside the club. 

Ezor’s entire face lit up the moment she saw him.  She rushed him, throwing her arms around him as she crashed into him.  “You came!” She laughed into his ear, and pulled away to show him her smile.

“Acxa bailed.”  Zethrid said. “So, it’s just us three.”

“She’s got a date with Narti, and well, you know how Narti feels about clubs.”  Ezor further explained, shooting Zethrid a look.  Lotor imagined she was mentally screaming ‘don’t give him an excuse to leave’. 

“And you thought I’d bail too?” Lotor asked, raising an eyebrow.  Although, it was good to know that Acxa and Narti had resolved their spat, or at the very least were working on resolving it.  He didn’t like it when his friends were fighting.

“Mmm, well, you’ve been kinda… distant lately.  But you’re here now!  So, let’s get this party started!”  She cheered. 

The line for the club wasn’t too terribly bad, and within no time, they were soon on the dancefloor with the rose designed wristbands saying they’d payed to enter.  Lotor grimaced, reminded of why he usually disliked going to the club with Ezor and Zethrid. 

He would much rather be at relative peace of his apartment than in the loud flashing club.  Zethrid leaned down between him and Ezor.  “I’ll go get drinks.”  She nearly had to yell into their ears to tell them, before heading off to the bar. 

Ezor grabbed his hand and started to pull him off to the dance floor.  She turned back to look at him, and her lips moved, but her voice was lost the deep steady drum of the bass.  Oh well, he could guess what she said anyways. 

“Come dance with me!”

Lotor was right about the heat of the club.  So many bodies packed into a room was bound to generate heat, and there was plenty of it in the club.  He was glad he put his hair up in a ponytail and rolled up the sleeves of his button up before entering. 

Zethrid found them after a couple songs – there was no escaping Ezor or the dancefloor it seemed – and Lotor graciously accepted the alcohol she offered.  Anything to help him survive this night with his sanity intact would be appreciated. 

Even alcohol.

After a couple of songs, he realized that he lost Ezor and Zethrid in the crowd, and breathed a sigh of relief.  He knew he should probably look for them before they got worried, but this was a window of opportunity that he fully planned on taking advantage of.  He started working his way off the dancefloor only to freeze as he caught sight of something, or more accurately, someone. 

The flashing lights and crowd of bodies made it hard to tell, but Lotor would know him anywhere.  The colored lights seemed to flicker around Lance as he danced to the music. 

Someone bumped into Lotor, knocking sense back into him.  He moved to go to Lance, but the ever-shifting crowd of bodies swallowed him and hide him away from Lotor.  No matter.  Lotor was determined. 

He spent the next couple songs searching for Lance and was very nearly about to give up when someone grabbed his arm.  He twisted, already moving to throw the person off when his brain registered who it was.

Lance’s smile was bright and wide.  Happiness swirled in his eyes, and combined with the bright lights, it almost looked like Lance’s eyes were glowing.  His whole body seemed to shimmer, and he pressed himself up close to Lotor, still holding onto his arm. 

“Hey.  Didn’t think I’d see you here.”  Lance’s breath was hot against Lotor’s neck and ear, and when he leaned away, Lotor instantly missed him. 

“You’d be surprised where you can find me.”  Lotor replied.  He leaned down into Lance’s space to speak to him. 

“Is that so?” Lance replied.  “Well, then, how about you show me what you got.”  He pulled back, tugging Lotor deeper into the dancefloor where it was more populated.  Unlike with Ezor and Zethrid, he had much more incentive to keep Lance in his sights, and after a song or two --- it was really ridiculously hard to tell when a song finished, and another began – he was even feeling confident enough to put his hands on Lance’s waist. 

Lance’s returning smile was bright enough to rival the flashes of lights in the club, and before he knew it, Lance was pressed up close against him, his hands raised and around Lotor’s neck and shoulders. 

It was surprisingly easy to dance so intimately with Lance.  To wrap his arms around Lance and get lost in the shimmer of his skin, the heat of his body, and the pounding of his heart beat echoing the bass in his ears.  It was like the rest of the club seemed to just blur and fade into the background expect for the heat, music, and flashing lights.

The flashing that caught Lance’s eyes and smiles.  The heat between their bodies where Lance grinded against him, undulating to the rhythm of the rhythm. 

Time didn’t exist here. 

He didn’t know how many songs they spent together, and he didn’t care.  The space between them seemed to vanish until Lance’s body was pressed firmly against Lotor’s.   Lotor’s hands acted on their own, sliding down Lance’s body to the inside of his back pockets to cup his ass and push him up even closer. 

Lance’s laughter was lost to the music, but Lotor could still hear it perfectly clear in his mind.  He leaned up, using his arms wrapped around Lotor to pull him down for a kiss.  It started off chaste, but it didn’t take more than a second for it to deepen. 

The sweet taste of a cosmopolitan mixed with the salt of sweat and the bitter sharpness of the vodka Lotor had downed earlier , making a flavor that Lotor didn’t think he would ever tire of.  Lance pulled away first, keeping his eyes locked on Lotor’s as he licked his lips and smiled.  

He leaned up again, kissing Lotor’s jaw up to his ear.  “Please tell me you live close by.”

Lotor swallowed thickly and nodded.  Lance’s responding smile was as bright as the sun and as sinuous as the devil.

~

Lance giggled as Lotor pressed him against the door to his apartment.  One of his long gorgeous legs was hooked around Lotor’s waist, the other between Lotor’s legs.  He groaned as it applied pressure exactly where he needed it, but it wasn’t enough. 

The journey back to the apartment had been torturous, and now, they were so close to their destination Lotor could almost taste it.  Or perhaps he was just tasting the sweetness of what Lance had been drinking back at the club.

Lance swallowed his groan with another mind melting kiss, licking into Lotor’s mouth before surrendering control over to him.  Both of Lance’s hands were on his body, one on his chest and the other draped over his shoulder.

It was distracting, especially when Lotor _needed_ the door to his apartment open _now_.  He fumbled with the keys, and finally the door opened, the both of them spilling into the door way in a tangled mess.

Lance’s laughter was infectious and bright, and Lotor laughed along with him.  He slammed the door shut behind him, and Lance took no time in backing Lotor against the door this time. 

He leaned his head back as Lance gave attention his neck and collar bones, licking and kissing and gently biting.  His hands were steadily working on the buttons of Lotor’s shirt while Lotor’s hands rested on Lance’s hips.

Finally, his shirt was unbuttoned, and Lance pushed it off as Lotor pushed Lance further into the apartment. 

Lance’s shirt found a home on one of Lotor’s lamps as Lotor picked him up and put him on the back of the couch to make out with him easier.  Lance responded eagerly, whispering a quiet “oh fuck, god that’s hot” as Lotor picked him up.  He wrapped his legs around Lotor’s waist. 

~

“Oomph.” Lance gasped as Lotor dropped him onto his bed.  Half dressed with smeared make-up and kiss swollen lips, he looked like a vision against the inky black of Lotor’s sheets.  He looked up at Lotor with such wide beautiful eyes, his mouth already twisting into a smirk. 

Lotor couldn’t decide what he wanted.  What he needed was simple, it was Lance.  But what he wanted?  That was more difficult.

He thought of Lance’s lips stretched around his cock, of watching Lance lick and kiss him there, of watching Lance _swallow_ him down.  He thought about tasting Lance, of pushing him down and keeping him down while Lotor took him apart slowly and carefully.  He thought of worshipping Lance’s body as it deserved, lavishing every centimeter of him with kisses. 

He crawled onto the bed, taking one of Lance’s still clothed legs and pressing kisses up it until he reached the button.  Lance whimpered, sitting up on his elbows and forearms as he looked down at Lotor. 

He unbuttoned it, pulling down the zipper and then kissed his way back down Lance’s leg as skin was revealed.  “Fuck.”  Lance whispered, and Lotor appreciated how vocal he was, but he wondered if he could render him speechless. 

He crawled back up Lance’s body and was pleased to discover that he could nearly cover Lance entirely.  Lance seemed as equally pleased by that, mewling as he arched his back and pressed himself against Lotor.  “Please.”  He whispered before Lotor kissed him.

~

Lotor groaned as he stretched out.  His body ached pleasantly and there was a warm and comfortable weight on his body, soft skin under his fingertips.  The warm weight shifted, and he cracked open an eye. 

The soft calls of bird song filled the room, sunlight streaming in through the sheer curtains of this window and casting an almost heavenly sight on Lance, who only groaned and buried his face into Lotor’s chest. 

Lotor sighed, the corners of his lips barely upturning into a small faint fond smile.  Tenderly, he stroked the warm skin of Lance’s hip.  Lance made an adorable noise, his eyelashes fluttering against Lotor’s chest in a way that almost tickled.

He felt Lance’s eyes open and then Lance was sitting up, blearily blinking at him. “Lo-” He cut himself off with a yawn that was only half covered, “tor?”  He furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at Lotor, like he wasn’t expecting him to be there. 

“Hey.”  Lotor whispered.  He didn’t know why he whispered.  It wasn’t like there was a reason to, but it just felt like speaking normally would just shatter the softness of the moment.   He reached out and cupped Lance’s cheek and gently stroked his face.  Lance smiled, turning his face into his hand. 

“You’re here.”  He whispered back. 

“Well, this _is_ my home.”  Lotor replied, and Lance chuckled. 

“Yeah.”  He leaned forward and Lotor’s hand moved from his face to the back of his head as he kissed Lance. 

Morning breath was kind to neither of them, but there was still something _nice_ about it.  About being able to share a kiss before either were ready for the day.  That they were able to share such tenderness and imperfection. 

“I thought I’d wake up and...”  Lance whispered after they broke the kiss. 

“And I’d be gone?” Lotor asked. 

“And you’d be a dream.”  Lance corrected.  “But you’re not.  You’re here and you’re real.” He sounded so awed and amazed as he spoke, and Lotor felt like someone had taken his heart and was just squeezing it as tightly as they could.  “We’re real.”  Lance continued.  “ _This_ is real.” 

Lotor swallowed thickly and nodded.  “Yeah.  Yeah it is.”  His heart felt as if it was squeezed so tightly it would burst.  Yet despite that, it beat as quickly as a rabbit on a jack hammer.  Lance’s gaze drifted to the alarm clock on Lotor’s nightstand and the hazy doe-eyed look vanished. 

“Shit!” Lance sprung from the bed with a wince and a grimace – no doubt from their activities earlier before they fell asleep.  “I’m going to be late for work.” He explained as he started to collect the clothes of his that were in the bedroom.  “My boss’ll kill me if I’m late again.”

“Well that won’t do.”  Lotor replied, getting out of bed himself.  He took the clothes from Lance and pushed him towards the bathroom.  “Go freshen up, I’ll see if there’s some clothes of mine you can wear and pack yours in a bag.”

“You’re amazing.” Lance’s hands framed his face as he kissed him again and then he was gone as he disappeared into the bathroom.  Lotor could hear water being turned on. 

He allowed himself a moment of standing there stupidly before he shook himself out of it and set to his tasks.  He wouldn’t lie and say that the idea of Lance wearing his clothes wasn’t appealing to him, because it most certainly was. He left a stack by the bathroom door and knocked. “Clothes are by the door.”

“Thanks!”  The door opened a crack and Lance’s hand darted out to grab the clothes before disappearing. 

That done, Lotor collected Lance’s clothes and put it all in a Walmart bag and got dressed himself in some of his ‘comfort’ weekend clothes.

“I used your toothbrush, I hope that’s cool.”  Lance informed him as he exited the bathroom.  Lotor would have replied, but his mouth went dry and his mind blanked at the image of Lance in _his_ clothes.  The shirt was too long for him, but somehow Lance had made it work.

Because Lance.

Because Lance could make anything work.  Because Lance could wear the most god-awful outfit in the universe, and he would still make it look beautiful.  Because Lance was beautiful, and he made everything he touched beautiful.

He nodded once to answer Lance, his mind still whirling as he tried to work past the image of Lance in his clothes.  Lance beamed.  “Awesome!” 

He took the bag of his clothes from Lotor, and stood on his tip toes to press a kiss to Lotor’s cheek.  “Hey, I was thinking… maybe tonight we could have dinner?”

The way he asked was so shy and sweet, and Lotor could do nothing more than to smile and reply, “Of course.  I’ll text you the details.” 

“Sweet.” Lance pulled away from him and started to head for the door out of the apartment before looking back at Lotor.  “I really enjoyed last night.” And then he winked like the little minx he was, and left.

Lance was going to be the death of Lotor, he was sure. 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger Warning(s):** Arguments, Hallucinations, Referenced/Mention Lapse of Reason/Reality 
> 
> If you feel that I need to add/remove warnings per chapter, please give me a message on [Tumblr.](https://star-gazing-knight.tumblr.com/) Thank you!

Lotor was startled awake by the sound of someone pounding at his door.  His neck was killing him from falling asleep at such an odd angle on the couch, and he cracked it as he stood up.  Sunshine filtered in through the windows, so he knew he hadn’t missed his date with Lance. 

It would be poor of him to sleep through his date with Lance and miss it.  Especially after all they had done last night. 

“Open up, Lotor!” Well, that was an angry Ezor if he ever heard one.  What was her problem? 

Well, there was only one way to find out, and thankfully, that way involved getting the noise to stop.

Well, only one way to find out and to get the noise to stop. 

The pounding at his door continued, and he sighed, rubbing at his eyes blearily before making his way over to it and opening it to reveal a very pissed off Ezor mid knock – although calling the noise she was making a ‘knocking’ was an overwhelming understatement – with Acxa standing off to the side looking vaguely uncomfortable. 

He supposed he didn’t blame her for looking as such.  He would be vaguely uncomfortable standing next to someone angrily beating on someone’s door too.  Why were either of them even here to begin with?  He hadn’t done anything lately to garner this type of hostility lately. 

As if to prove her hostility, Ezor stepped forward, poking him in the chest.  “What the fuck, Lotor?”

Well then, she must have been upset to use his full name instead of the nickname. 

“What?” He asked. 

“Don’t ‘what’ me.  You bailed on us last night.”  She narrowed her eyes and if looks could kill, then Lotor would have been dying a quick fiery death.  “I can’t believe you!  Do we mean that little to you that you couldn’t give us one night out on the town with you?”

…

So, he had done something last night that had irritated her, but what?  He hadn’t bailed on her like Acxa had.  Wait.  No, he _had_ bailed on her without warning once they’d gotten to the club.

But that was _hardly_ his fault.  He lost sight of Ezor and Zethrid and had found Lance instead.  What was he supposed to do; ignore _Lance_?  HA.  Like that would ever happen.  Not that he could really explain that to her.

If he mentioned Lance, then she would be all over it like a feral dog on raw meat.  She would tear into him, demand to meet Lance, and then the teasing would never cease. 

He didn’t particularly want to lie to his friends, but was it still a lie if he told the truth but just omitted some things?

“Excuse me?” Lotor raised an eyebrow.  “As I recall, _you_ bailed on me.  I went to the club, lost sight of you, and went home.”  He nonchalantly shrugged.  “The way I see it, the only wrong I did was not texting you to inform you, and I apologize for that.”

Fire ignited in Ezor’s eyes, and she stood another step forward, inhaling deeply to confront him and… Acxa stepped in front of her, holding up her hand as she issued out a sharp command of “Wait.”  Ezor deflated, crossing her arms as she glared at Acxa.  Acxa studiously ignored her in favor of staring at Lotor.  “Did you just wake up?”

“Obviously.”  Lotor replied.

At the same time, Ezor snapped out, “What does that have to do with anything?” 

Lotor frowned at her before continuing. “Ezor didn’t exactly give me a moment to wake up with all the pounding she was doing at my door.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Ezor repeated.  “So, he just woke up.  Big deal.”

“Shush.”  Acxa told Ezor before looking back at Lotor with narrowed eyes.  “And you were at the club last night, right?”

“Exc-” Acxa twisted around to slap her hand over Ezor’s mouth.

“Shush.”  Acxa interrupted, twirling around to slap her hand over Ezor’s mouth.  She stared at Ezor for a good moment before turning back to look at Lotor expectantly.   

Lotor huffed, unamused by his friend’s antics.  “Yes.  That’s what I said wasn’t it?” 

“And you lost Ezor at the club?”

“How many times must we go over this?”  Lotor sighed.  “I went to the club, lost sight of Ezor, and went home.”  He repeated.  “I realize I should have texted Ezor to let her know, but she didn’t seem to care about where I was.” 

“Of course, I cared!  You bailed on us!” Ezor squirmed out of Acxa’s hold to shout at him.  “I was worried, but Zethrid convinced me to just have a good time and to check on you in the morning, aka, now.”

“And you had to drag Acxa over here with you?”  Lotor rolled his eyes.  “By the way,” He turned to her, “Congratulations with reconciling with Narti.  I hope your date last night was pleasant.”

“What the-” Acxa once again covered Ezor’s mouth, silencing her.  She smiled tightly at Lotor. 

“Of course.  It was lovely.  In any case, we know you’re safe now and we should go.”  Ezor squirmed at Acxa’s words but was unable to escape this time.  “Have a good day.”

“To you as well.” He shook his head as he closed the door.  He could still hear the muffled bickering of the girls beyond the door, but it grew quieter as they moved away.  The whole experience was… strange and unsettling. 

He pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache already start to come on.  Well, that was something he absolutely did not need before his date with Lance.  Some medicine and a nap should resolve that quickly enough.  

~

Lotor’s nap was a restless one.  He suspected it was due to his excitement at the prospect of a proper date with Lance.  Thankfully, the medicine seemed to have helped. 

He rolled over onto his stomach, using a pillow to help prop himself up.  He tapped the screen of his phone a couple of times, trying to think of somewhere to take Lance for the date. 

As short notice as it was, it couldn’t be to one of the nicer places that Lotor’s family often used, which was a bit of a shame.  Lotor was sure that Lance would be able to pull off the finer clothes required for such places, but he supposed he didn’t want to push Lance into too much.

Someplace casual but nice would suffice, for now at least.  Preferably close by as well.  He scrolled through the map function of his phone, searching for places with good reviews and recommendations that first he recognized and fit his requirements.

He finally settled on a place, and after a quick text to Lance, confirmed a good time slot for him to reserve.  Lance insisted that they meet at the restaurant. 

~

Lotor fretted with the roses in his hand, suddenly second guessing his choice to pick them up.  He hadn’t had flowers any of the other times he took Lance out on a date… although now that he thought about it, he probably should have.

He was suddenly hit with the desire to pace around, and he curled his toes in his shoes and then released them to see if that would help any.  It did, a little, but the urge to get up, to move, to do something still nagged at him.

He returned to picking at the roses, only to freeze as the waiter turned the corner with Lance.  He stood up immediately, not really knowing why but just feeling like it was the _thing_ to do, and then rushed over to Lance’s side of the table to pull out a chair for him.

Lance smiled, laughter in his eyes.  “Thank you.” He said, as he took his seat.  “Are these for me?” He asked, giving a pointed look at the roses. 

“It felt… appropriate.” Lotor rushed to explain.  “I mean, this isn’t our first date, but it’s our first dinner date and-”

“They’re wonderful.  I love them.” Lance smiled widely at him before turning to the waiter.  “Could I get a glass of water for them, and another for myself?”

“Of course.”

“I’ve never been given flowers before.”  Lance informed him quietly as Lotor took his seat again.  He picked up the roses, looking down at them with something akin to wonder in his eyes.  “They’re beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you.” Lotor said.  Lance looked up from the roses at Lotor in shock, and then averted his gaze, chuckling weakly. 

“Thank you.” He licked his lips.   “Between us, though, you’re the handsome one.”

“I thought we agreed on that already.  I’m handsome, but you… you’re gorgeous, Lance.  Inside and out.” 

“Aren’t you the charmer?” Lance asked.  He reached out across the table and took Lotor’s hand.  Lotor smiled at him, turning his hand over to loosely hold Lance’s. 

“I think you’re the one who’s charmed me.  I never put much stock in relationships actually meaning anything beyond a business contract but… but with you, I think I could… And I know we’ve only been on a few dates, but…I’d really like to be able to introduce you as my boyfriend.”

Lance didn’t respond except to lean over the table and press a chaste kiss against Lotor’s lips.  “I’d like that too.” He whispered. 

~

Lotor tapped his fingers against the table.  He didn’t think there would be anything that could kill his pleasant mood after his date with Lance… with his _boyfriend_ over the weekend.  Yet it seemed that Professor Thace was on a mission to do so.

All through out class, Thace had been constantly calling out Lotor for being distracted.  It was humiliating and annoying.  Not to mention it set off Acxa.  If Thace wasn’t calling him out, then Acxa was sending him notes and staring at him with knitted eyebrows.

Thankfully, class was almost over, and then he could just move on to his next class.  Or better yet, go home, get some of his headache medicine and maybe eat something.  He would have to be back for his next class, but it shouldn’t take him that long to do his chores.

He couldn’t mess up his perfect attendance, after all. 

“Lotor, a word after class, if you don’t mind.”

Well, that ruined that plan.  He frowned and when the class was dismissed, he didn’t pack up his stuff like the others.

Acxa lingered by the table, clearly wanting to stay or to talk to him.  She opened her mouth to speak, but then eyed Professor Thace before sighing and walking off in silence.  Professor Thace took a side seat on the table and watched Acxa for a moment before turning his attention to Lotor.

“Do you know why I’ve asked to talk with you?”

Well, good conversations almost never started off like that.  He resisted the urge to cross his arms as he replied, “Should I?”

“It’s about your test scores and class participation.  You’ve taken a few classes with me and I don’t think I’ve ever seen your… performance slip like it has lately.  Is something going on?  Anything you want to talk about?”

Part of Lotor wanted to snip that Thace wasn’t one of the campus’ counselors, but he was a bit too preoccupied with trying to understand that his grades had slipped. 

That… that wasn’t possible.  Lotor strived for perfection.  His father would never accept anything less.  Perfect grades, perfect attendance, perfect son.  “There must be a misunderstanding.  My grades have slipped?”

“Recently, yes.” Thace nodded.  “I’ve noticed you’ve become more distant and distracted in class.  I know attendance is important to you, but if you need to take a couple days off to sort something out, I think we could work something out.”

“No.” Lotor shook his head.  “I… Everything is fine.”  But was it?  His grades were apparently _slipping_.  Slipping!?  It was practically unheard of!  “What grades have I…”

“Well, you nearly failed your test.” What? 

No. He aced that test. It was suburb.  It was perfection.  He did the extra credit questions and everything. 

“May I see it?”

“Certainly.” Thace stood and headed over to his desk to rummage through some papers before bringing over a copy of the test and Lotor’s used scantron to hand to him.

Lotor stared down at the test and at the very distressing red grade at the top, and then at all the red marks through out it from where Thace had manually graded it.  “I didn’t believe the scantron at first.” Thace informed him after a moment.

Lotor scanned over the test questions, his mind screeching to a halt at a couple of them.  He didn’t know this stuff, he didn’t remember this… was he in the right class?  Of course he was in the right class.  Professor Thace knew him, this couldn’t just be an elaborate prank.

“This can’t be right.” This was like a nightmare. A horrible, horrible nightmare.  “I…”  Lotor shook his head.

“I don’t normally allow this, but if you need to retake the test…”

“I… yes, of course.  Is that… all?” Lotor asked, somewhat hesitant incase Professor Thace had even worse things to add.

“Yes.”  Thace nodded and confirmed that he was done, to Lotor’s eternal appreciation.  “But Lotor, don’t forget.  If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask or talk to someone.” 

“I’ll keep it mind.” Lotor said as he quickly packed up his stuff and headed to the door.  Acxa was waiting just outside it, because of course she was. He sighed.

Normally he would appreciate her staying to see what the professor wanted, but he got the feeling she was only doing it because she was worried for Lotor herself.

What was with people and thinking something was wrong?  Nothing was wrong!  Well, except his grades… but he would be fixing that.  Failing anything was simply _not_ an option.

…Maybe Lance would help him study?

Or maybe he’d be too much of a distraction.  But… then he would have to cut Lance from his life, and in all honestly, he just couldn’t see doing that.  Lance made him happy.  He would be miserable without him. 

“What?”

“…Just wanted to make sure everything was okay?”  Lotor inhaled sharply at Acxa’s question.  He had been right.

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” Lotor snapped at her.  “I’m. Fine.  There’s nothing going on.”

“It doesn’t seem like that.” She said, but when he gave her a sharp look, she was making placating motions with her hands.  “I was just checking, chill.  No need to be so hostile.”

She wasn’t wrong.  There wasn’t a reason for him to be so hostile.  It wasn’t like she caused him to slip up on his grades.  But to admit that would be to admit that something was wrong, and he refused to do that.

He was fine.  This was fine.  Everything would be fine.

“What did Professor Thace want?”  She asked when he didn’t respond. 

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

She hummed, falling ~~mostly~~ quietly into step beside him.  “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“…Alright.” She paused and then upon seeing him continue to walk, called out to him.   “Are you going to come get a sandwich?”

It was tempting, but he had a bit more pressing things to attend to.  Like getting his headache medicine.  It wasn’t a problem yet, but it was an annoyance that could be easily resolved with just a few pills.  A nap would help best but he didn’t exactly have the time for that. 

“No.  I’m heading home for a moment.”

“But you’ll be late for your next class.”

“Not if I rush.”

He didn’t bother looking back at her as he headed home.

~

Lotor smiled tiredly at the librarian as she finished the check out process for the latest set of books that Lotor was borrowing.  She didn’t respond except to apathetically chew her gum and hand him his books.

“Thank you.”  He accepted them, and she grunted a response, blowing a bubble and popping it.  “Have a good night.”  He called as he packed the books away in his bag and exited. 

“Yeah.  You too.”  She replied, following behind him to lock the doors after he left.  He barely managed a couple steps outside before a heavy hand fell upon his shoulder. 

“We need to talk.” Zethrid said and wasn’t that just ominous.  No one delivering good news said that ever.  She curled her fingers into his shoulder just shy of being painful, as if she thought he might bolt or something.  Which did not help the ominousness. 

“About?” He inquired, raising an eyebrow. 

“About you.”  She replied, and then ‘gently’ guided him over to the campus café. 

“We’re clos-” The barista cleaning a table started to talk but interrupted themselves once they looked up at them.  “Take as long as you need.”  He said, stuttering as he took in Zethrid’s appearance. 

“Thanks.” Zethrid smiled at him, but from the way he ‘subtly’ moved to place a table between her and him, he doubted the barista saw it as friendly.

“Don’t mention it.” He swallowed thickly and turned away, all but running from them. 

“Coward.” Lotor scoffed, rolling his eyes.  He could certainly understand where he was coming from, but that didn’t mean he agreed with it.  Zethrid was a rather terrifying individual, especially to those who weren’t familiar with her or her towering imposing figure; but even that seemed a bit extreme of a response. 

Zethrid shrugged, not bothered by how people often reacted to her, and took a seat at the table the barista had been cleaning.  She kicked out a chair across from her for Lotor.  He accepted it, dropping his bag by the table. 

“People see what they want to see, what they think they see.  I’m used to it.  You win some,” She nodded at Lotor.  “And you lose some.”  She nodded at the retreating barista.  She sighed and turned her attention back to Lotor.  “But I’m not gonna let you weasel your way out of this.”

Zethrid’s blunt to-the-point approached to things didn’t help Zethrid’s ‘public image’ either.  But then again, that was exactly what Lotor typically appreciated about her.  Typically.  Not now, though.  Not when it was being used against him. 

He narrowed his eyes, considering her.  “And what is _‘this’_ , exactly?”  Lotor asked.

“Acxa and Ezor’s worried.”  Zethrid’s reply was as blunt and direct as he should have expected from her.  “They say you aren’t acting… like yourself.”  Well, at least she tried a to have a little bit more tact there.  Which, honestly, was more than a tad telling.   

“So, you came to verify for yourself?”

Zethrid chewed over his question for a moment before replying.  “We don’t always spend much time together, but I figure if you’ve got the girls worried, maybe I ought to be too.”  She paused and tapped her fingers on the table.  “You know I don’t like my girl being worried.”

 “They don’t know you’re talking to me, do they?”  Lotor asked. 

Zethrid gave him a very unimpressed look.  “No changing the topic.”  She growled.  “They think you’re keeping secrets or something.”

Well, they weren’t wrong.  He was keeping a secret, and it was one that he wasn’t entirely sure about revealing yet.  He kept his face as neutral as possible as he replied.  “Do they?”

“Yeah.  Yeah they do.  So, I gotta ask, are you?” She tapped the table again as she leaned forward, as if she could scare him into answering. 

“What makes them think that?” Lotor asked instead of answering her.  She gave him another flat unimpressed look but didn’t snap at him for ‘changing the topic’ again, which he supposed was progress. 

“You’re acting weird, cooping yourself up in the library and home, the whole Club fiasco, and apparently you were sick in class?”  She listed off her reasons, counting them off with her fingers.  She paused when she finished, looking from her hand to Lotor before crossing her arms and leaning back into the chair.  “In all the time I’ve known you, you’ve never been sick before.”

Well, that was an accusation from Zethrid if Lotor ever heard one.  But what exactly was she accusing him of?  People were allowed their secrets.  _He_ was allowed his secrets. He resisted the urge to cross his own arms. 

Crossing his arms would tell Zethrid he was being defensive.  That would make her think she was right.  He shrugged dismissively.  “It’s not the end of the world.”  He dismissed the event.  “It was just a headache, and Acxa overreacted.”

“ _Acxa_ doesn’t overreact.” Zethrid immediately replied.  She uncrossed her arms and laid her hands flat on the table as she leaned forward once again, staring him down.  “And you’re avoiding the point.”

“Am I?”  Zethrid didn’t reply or move.  She just stared at him with a hard look in her eyes that told Lotor that she wasn’t going to budge or let this be.  He sighed, looking away and giving in to his urge to cross his arms.  “I’ve been researching.” He muttered.

Out of the corner of his eye he watched Zethrid lean back in the chair. 

“Ezor mentioned that.  Said you were working on a side project.  Something about dreams?”  She paused, waiting for him to chime in and when he didn’t, continued.  “That’s not all is it?  You don’t normally get this caught up in your research.” 

Like his mother.  She didn’t say it, but she didn’t need to.  He could hear it in the spaces between her words, in the heavy silence that sat between them now. 

Yes, it was like his mother to get so caught up in her research that she failed to take care of herself.  People’s lives depended on her research and she took that responsibility a bit too seriously at times.  But he was not his mother.  His lips thinned into a line.

He was tired of people bringing them up.  Of bringing up his parents, of bringing up his upbringing, of bringing up his social and romantic life – or lack there-of.  Not that he needed to worry on the romance font with Lance.

“I don’t need to share every aspect of my life with you or anyone else.”  Lotor snapped.  Zethrid’s eyes widened and a corner of her lips tugged upwards in a feral smirk.  Well, Lotor just messed up… that was… admittedly unlike him. 

Everyone had their off days.

“Ah-ha.  And that tells me right there that I’m right and there’s more to this.”  Zethrid all but crowed.  “So, what is it?  What are you hiding?”

“A boyfriend!” The words escaped from Lotor’s mouth before he could think about the ramifications of the answer.  They both sat in shock at the words Lotor had just said.  Zethrid’s mouth literally dropped open at the words, her eyebrows furrowed as if she couldn’t understand. 

“Bullshit.” She snapped out the shock first, and it was her response that snapped Lotor out of his.

“Excuse me?”

“Bullshit.” She repeated.  “That’s bullshit.  You have a _boyfriend_?” She scrunched up her nose and curled her lips.  “That’s bullshit. Try again.”

“What’s so unbelievable about me having a boyfriend?” Lotor demanded to know.  “Do you think me incapable of finding someone who I’d pursue a romantic relationship with?”

“That’s not what I meant!”  Zethrid growled out.  “It’s just not like you to-”

“To what?  Have a relationship?”  Lotor snapped.  “What I do and don’t do with anyone is none of your business.”  He stood up abruptly.  “I believe this conversation is over.”   He said before turning on his heel and exiting. 

“Lotor, wait!” He heard her call out, but he didn’t give her any mind. 

~

“All of my friends are horrid.” Lotor complained into the phone, shifting so he could hold it with his shoulder as he used both of his hands to pay for the coffee.

“I hope I’m not included in that.” The response brought a quick smile to Lotor’s face.  If it wasn’t for the fact he was holding the phone with his head and shoulder, he would have shaken his head despite the fact that Allura wouldn’t have been able to see him.

“No, no.  You’re the exception, as always.”

Allura’s laugh was like bell chimes, even over the sometimes-static phone connection. “I thought Acxa was the exception?” She teased.

“One would think.” Lotor sighed.  “But even she’s acting odd lately.”

“Mmm… what makes you say this?” Allura asked, and he could hear her shifting into a more comfortable position.

“Oh no.  You aren’t psychoanalyzing me.”

“I am not!” He didn’t have to see her face to know exactly how she looked.  Her voice quivered with mock outrage. “I’m not _that_ bad.”

“You’re in school to be a psychologist, ‘Lura.  You psychoanalyze everything.”

“…Perhaps.”  He could hear the pout in her voice.  “But honestly, Lotor, you don’t normally call.”  She paused, and Lotor _knew_ she was chewing her lip.  “Is everything alright?”

Lotor gave pause at the question, unease settling into him like a fog settled on the ground after a good rain.  He watched the barista work on his coffee for a good moment.  Like the good patient friend that she was, Allura waited quietly for his response. 

He thought everything seemed to be alright.  Narti and Acxa were together again, Zethrid and Ezor were still going strong.  He was studying the major he always wanted, and Lance was his boyfriend.  Except that wasn’t right, was it? 

He closed his eyes and leaned against the ‘take-out’ counter as he felt the oncoming pain of yet another headache.  “I think so.”  He finally replied to Allura. “But no one else seems to agree.”

“Do you?  It sounds like you’re getting a coffee.”  She didn’t mention the time of night it was, but she didn’t need to. 

“Lura.”

“I know, I know.  Sorry.”  She was quiet again for a moment.  “Why do you think no one seems… Sorry.  Uh, did you want to talk about it – whatever ‘it’ is?” 

“I’m not sure.”

“Well, that certainly doesn’t sound like you.”  She was teasing again, but there was definitely an undertone of worry to her voice. 

Great, now he made Allura worry about him.

“Have you tried just talking to them?”  She suggested gently.  “Friends are there for each other.”

“They’ll make fun of me.”  He muttered.  He didn’t intend for Allura to hear him, but her short burst of laughter told him that she had. 

“Oh?  Now I’m definitely intrigued.” 

He rolled his eyes.  “Not telling you, you Nosy Nancy.”

 “Guilty as charged.” Allura said through her laughter.  “But seriously, Lotor.  Just talk to them.  They’re your friends, and they’ll understand… and if they don’t, then _I_ will.” 

Well that was comforting.  At least if things went sour, he would have Allura to support him.   And Lance.  He definitely would have Lance to support him.  Just the thought made him feel giddy. 

“Anyways, it’s late and I have an exam early in the morning.  We can talk later?” Allura suggested. 

“Yeah.  Thanks, Allura.”

“No problem.  Get some sleep, alright?”

~

Lotor’s stomach lurched as he sat up in bed with a low groan.  His head throbbed, and the world spun as he twisted so his feet hung over the edge of the bed.  Lotor sighed as he turned the pill bottle over in his hands.  The half empty bottle rattled with the remaining pills, the sound both unnerving and soothing to him.  The label had mostly worn away, but he didn’t need it to know what he held in his hands. 

He couldn’t sleep, but he knew he needed to. 

It was a good thing he had some sleep aids to help him.

~

Lance’s body was warm as it was pressed up against Lotor, seeking out his warmth in the morning chill of the park.  Dew was still thick on the grass of the park, and the slow fog that had formed over the nearby pond drifted onto the path. 

It’d become a habit to walk to the school together in the mornings that they both had classes after meeting up at the Rose and Clover coffee shop that Lance loved so much.  Honestly, Lotor couldn’t say that he minded.

Lance was adorable in the mornings before he had his coffee.  Quiet too, but that was alright.  So long as the silence remained comfortable, Lotor didn’t mind.

Yet his peace this morning was disturbed.  He was still bothered by the conversation he had with Zethrid, and while talking with Allura had helped… it still chaffed on Lotor. 

Despite how sleepy Lance was, he seemed to recognize this, and drew Lotor to a stop as they approached one of the benches overlooking the lake.  “What’s wrong, Lo?” Lance asked, looking up at him.

Lotor looked down into his beautiful blue eyes and smiled softly at the still sleepy haze in them.  Lance wouldn’t be really wake for another ten or so minutes, yet he was still perceptive enough to notice something was wrong.  

“It’s nothing.”  If he didn’t have his only ‘free’ hand busy holding his coffee, he would have reached out to caress Lance’s face.  Instead, he just had to make do with a gentle squeeze of his hand.  Lance squeezed back and Lotor’s heart exploded into a thousand butterflies at that.

“Doesn’t seem like ‘nothing’.”  Lance leaned up, having to stand on his tip toes, to press a chaste and sweet kiss to Lotor’s lips.  “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

“I would hope so.”  Lotor replied.  “You are my boyfriend.” 

Lance’s face darkened, and he ducked his head to hide it in Lotor’s shoulder.

“Adorable.” Lotor muttered.  “How could I be upset when I have this?”

“So, you admit to being upset?” Lance asked, looking back up at him. 

Lotor sighed and looked out at the fog on the lake.  “I guess so.” 

“Did you want to talk about it?”

“My friends don’t believe that I have a boyfriend.”  Lotor admitted quietly. 

“Well, then… maybe I should meet them?” Lance suggested. 

Lotor mulled the idea over, taking a sip of his tea.  Allura had suggested talking to them, and Lance suggested meeting them.  They were both very sound and reasonable suggestions.  He would follow through Allura’s first and talk to them about Lance, and then invite them to a lunch or dinner or something.  

He was certain that they’d all love Lance.  Ezor and Lance would get on like fire on paper.  Zethrid would probably think Lance was too scrawny and weak, but he couldn’t see her _disliking_ Lance.  No one could _dislike_ Lance. 

He was too sweet.  Too kind.  Too perfect.

“That’s a wonderful suggestion.” Lotor leaned down to kiss Lance, with his boyfriend meeting him half way.  “Thank you.”

They continued the walk in silence, and upon reaching the campus, Lance one more pulled him in for a kiss. 

“Are we still on for a movie at your place tomorrow?” Lance asked. 

“Of course.” Lotor replied, smiling warmly down at his boyfriend.  Boyfriend.  Lotor didn’t think the novelty of referring to Lance as such would ever grow old.  He was just so excited about it. “I wouldn’t dream of anything else.”

Lance laughed and kissed him again.  “Kay.  I’ll see you tomorrow then.”  He paused before turning away to head to his classes.  “You should try talking to your friends soon.  That way we can arrange a meeting.  I look forward to meeting them!”

“They’ll love you.”  Lotor assured Lance, nodding. “And don’t worry about it.  I’ll talk to Ezor first.”

Lance lit up at the name.  “She’s the one you think will really like me, right?”

“You’re very… similar.  You two should get along like two peas in a pod.  But don’t you have a class all the way across campus to go to?” Lotor asked.  He glanced down at his watch.  “You’ll have to run at this rate.”

“Oh shit.”  Lance blew him a kiss before turning and running, ducking and dodging through the school crowd until he was out of Lotor’s sight. 

He sighed, and turned to head towards his class.  He barely made it into the hallway before Professor Thace was calling out to him. “Lotor?  A word, if you could?” 

He furrowed his eyebrows.  What could Professor Thace want?  It wasn’t even the right day for his class.  He furrowed his eyebrows as he entered the Professor’s office, happy that he was usually early to his classes, so he had the time for this.

“May I help you, Professor?”

“Yes, I wanted to speak with you about your grades.”

Lotor’s entire body stiffened, an odd sense of déjà vu settling over him.  For some bizarre inexplicable reason, he thought Thace was going to inform him that his grades were slipping and that he failed a test.  Which was preposterous!  He even completed the extra credit questions… hadn’t he?

He was pretty sure he had.

…Had he maybe dreamed of a conversation like this happening?

“You’re one of, if not the best, student in the class, and I was wondering if you could take the time out of your schedule to perhaps help tutor some of the other students?  I’d offer you extra credit, but… I think we can agree community service hours that you can put on your resume might be a touch more preferable.”

Oh.  Oh, this wasn’t at all what Lotor was expecting, although it really should have been.  What was he thinking?  Like he would ever allow his grades to slip or fall. 

“It would be, yes.”  Lotor agreed.  “How many hours would I need to do a week?” 

“Well, it would depend on whether the students who need it agree, but I was thinking no more than three or four.  I know you’re already usually fairly busy with school, and I don’t want to weigh such promise down.”

Lotor mentally preened at the praise, but he couldn’t keep the smile off his face.  “Of course.  That would be fine.”  

“Wonderful.  We can meet up after break to discuss this further.  Now, I don’t want to keep you from your class.” 

“Thank you, Professor.” Lotor nodded his head, and turned to leave, before twisting back around. “Oh, if I may ask, what was my test grade?”

“You made a 100, even without the extra credit.” 

~

Lotor shifted uneasily outside the coffee shop that Ezor had suggested when he asked to talk with her.  He probably should have spoken to all of his friends at once, but he just felt like talking to each of them on a one-on-one basis would be best.

Ezor was obviously first.  There was little doubt in Lotor’s mind that Zethrid would have told Ezor about him having a boyfriend.  It was miracle she had yet to call or text him about it. 

He knew she was inside the shop.  He could see her in the window, worrying her lip as she typed out something on her phone.  Every few seconds or so she put the phone down to twist the rings on her fingers or tug at her ponytail. 

Classic behavior for when Ezor was feeling anxious or nervous.

It was actually sort of relieving that Ezor was as anxious about this meeting as he was. Not that he should have been anxious.  Not after the confidence boost Professor Thace had given him earlier.  Man, what had he been thinking, thinking that he was letting his grades slip.  Obviously, it’d been just some sort of bad dream.

He could let that go now, and instead focus on the praise.  He could ride out the confidence boost and use it for this conversation.  He could do this.  It wasn’t like he was going to be telling Ezor he got some girl pregnant or anything. 

He was just going to be telling her that he had a boyfriend now. That was all.   He took a deep breath and entered the shop. 

He didn’t bother to order anything.  He had a pressing headache, and he knew caffeine would do nothing for it.  Instead, he beelined it straight for Ezor and taking the seat across the table from her. 

She dropped her phone and it fell to the top of the table with a loud clatter as her entire body froze at the sight of him.  She seemed to recover quick enough, swiping the phone to tuck it into her purse before plastering on a smile. 

“Lo!” Her welcome was as cheerful as her plastic smile.

“Ez.”  He nodded.

“Did you order already?”  She asked, her eyes darting to the empty table space in front of him.

“No.  I don’t intend to stay that long.” 

“Oh.” His words chipped off some of the plastic of her cheerful mask.  It was a tad alarming to him that he could see where exactly she had been chewing on her lip.  “Well…. What did you want to talk about?”

“I talked with Zethrid about a week ago… I’m sure she spoke to you about it?”

“A… a week ago?” She furrowed her eyebrows, and he saw her hands twitch in the direction of her purse.  How cute that she was attempting to fake that she didn’t know about the conversation when she clearly knew something.  “She didn’t mention it.  Uh, what’d you guys talk about?”

“I find it hard to believe Zethrid didn’t say anything to you.”

Ezor chewed on her response, still fidgeting with the rings on her fingers.  “Zethrid said you have a boyfriend?”

Lotor nodded sharply. “So, she did talk to you.  I’m amazed you didn’t start texting me immediately.”

She smiled again, but it was weak.  “Yeah.  I can have resistant.” She sighed.  “Look, Lo, we need to talk.”

“Yes.”  He agreed, nodding sharply again.   

“Oh.”  Ezor’s shoulders slumped and it seemed like he just took a weight off of her, which was ridiculous, because he told her from the get-go that they needed to talk.  It was the whole point of them meeting up.   “You know you can talk to us, right?” Ezor asked, reaching out across the table to take his hand.  “You don’t need to hide behind lies with us.”

“Excuse me?” Lotor pulled his hand away and furrowed his eyebrow.  “I’m not lying.”

Why on Earth would she think he was lying to them?  Shouldn’t she be happy about him having a boyfriend?  Why wasn’t she believing him?

“Oh, Lo.  I don’t know what exactly happened, but you _can_ talk to us.  We aren’t your parents.  It’s obvious something is up.  You’re avoiding us, and lying, and… you can talk to us.”

That’s what he was trying to do.  He was trying to talk to her, but she wasn’t believing him.  He had a boyfriend.  That was something she should have been excited about.   He didn’t understand why she wasn’t.  Why she was insisting that he was _lying_. 

Lance wasn’t a lie.  He was real.  Wasn’t he?

Self-doubt struck Lotor like a spear to the heart, and he faltered mentally.  Lance was real, wasn’t he?  He couldn’t be fake.  An illusion of Lotor’s mind.  He was real.  Lotor had kissed him, touched him, cuddled with him. 

They had drunk coffee and eaten out at several restaurants now.  He wanted to introduce Lance to his friends.  He wouldn’t want to do that if Lance was _fake_.  He swallowed down his doubt. 

“I have a boyfriend.” Lotor replied coolly.  “I’ve been taking him on dates and spending time with him.  I would think that you, of all people, would be excited to hear of this news.”

“I would, Lotor… if he were real.”

“He is!” Lotor argued.  Ezor flinched at the tone he used.  Her whole body froze again.  Lotor cleared his throat.  “He is real.”  He spoke gentler this time. 

“He’s not, Lotor.”  She shook her head slowly.  “One of my classmates is your neighbor, and they told me that you’ve been leaving your apartment less and less.  They think you even missed a class today.”

Well, said neighbor was obviously wrong because otherwise Lotor wouldn’t have had his conversation with Thace about tutoring less talented students.  And furthermore, he couldn’t believe that his _friend_ would spy on him like this.  Like how his _mother_ used to. 

He couldn’t believe Ezor was actually betray his trust like this.  “So, you’re spying on me?” Lotor asked. 

“No!”  Ezor waved her hands as she shook her head.  “No, no, no.  He was just worried about you and knew I was your friend, that’s all.”

“Bullshit.”

“I wasn’t spying on you!”

“You’re right.” Lotor’s hands curled into fists, but he didn’t do anything with said fists.  “You’re right.”  He repeated. “If you had been, then you’d know Lance was real and that I went to class with him early this morning.”

“Ugh.  He’s not real, Lotor.  I don’t know why you’re clinging so hard to this lie.  What are you trying to hide?  Your lie is blown!”

“I’m not trying to hide anything!” Lotor stood up, the chair squealed as it was abruptly pushed against the floor.  “He’s real.”

“Then prove it.” Ezor demanded.  “Call him, right now.” She crossed her arms with her eyebrow raised in a clear challenge.  Lotor bristled at her audacity.  First she accused him of lying, and then of hiding something, and now she was challenging him to prove that Lance existed.

Fuck her.

“I don’t have to prove anything to you.”  It wasn’t like she was asking something hard of him.  All he needed to do was pull his phone out and call Lance, but he couldn’t do it.  A thousand excuses flashed through his mind, such as Lance being in class to Lance being at work.

His headache pulsed in time with the excuses, in time with the thundering of his own heartbeat. He felt both too hot and too cold at the same time.  The room was both spinning and shrinking, closing around him and Ezor.

He spun around and exited.  Some part of him was ashamed that all he seemed to be able to do is flee lately.  To retreat like a coward anytime his friends challenged him, but at the same time, he felt like he shouldn’t have to constantly prove himself.  To constantly explain himself to them.

Why couldn’t they just believe him?!

He found himself standing next to the bench Lance had stopped them at and sunk down onto it cradling his aching head in his hands. The bench creaked ominously, as if it couldn’t hold more than just Lotor’s weight. 

Ezor hadn’t chased after him, which honestly, was for the best.  He wasn’t sure that he would have been able to remain civil with her if she had. 

It started to rain, the skies unleashing a torrent to match the turmoil in Lotor.  Ezor’s words kept echoing in his head.  Her claims of Lance not being real. 

What would she know?  She hadn’t seen the beautiful blues of his eyes or heard the uplifting tones of his laughter.  She hadn’t touched his warm skin or ran her fingers through his soft hair.  What would she know of Lance?  Of his existence, or possible lack-there-of?

“Lotor?” Lance’s voice was a welcome distraction, and through blurry eyes, Lotor looked up to see his boyfriend standing there in the rain.  A crooked smile tugged at Lotor’s lips at the sight of him.

“Why do you never dress properly for the rain?” He asked. 

Lance pushed back his rain slick hair and sat next to him.  If the bench creaked, it was lost to the sound of the rain.  Lotor didn’t hear it.  “C’mon, lets get you home.” 

Lotor nodded.  He stood up, and looked back at the empty bench, his heart catching at the sight of it.  Empty?  Where was Lance?  “It’s this way, isn’t it?” Lance’s voice sounded so close, but when he turned to look, Lance was standing over by the path they often took to go to school in the morning. 

“They don’t think you’re real.” Lotor muttered.  Lance was too far away – despite how close his voice had sounded – but Lotor thought he saw his eyes flash with some sort of emotion. 

“Let’s get you home.”  Lance repeated, nodding his head in the direction of home.  Maybe it was the rain playing tricks on him, but Lance’s mouth didn’t seem to sync up properly to the words. 

Lotor nodded his head and started down the path towards his apartment.  He shivered as he entered the overhanging area and headed up to his door.  He unlocked it, and started to open the door before looking back behind him to make sure Lance was still with him.

There was only one set of wet footprints on the concrete. 

“Lotor?” Lotor jumped at Lance’s voice and looked into his apartment to see Lance standing in the kitchen next to the medicine cabinet.  A trail of water leading from the doorway Lotor was standing at leading to the small puddle collecting at Lance’s feet. 

“You’ll feel better after some medicine and a nap.” Lance said as he looked through Lotor’s medicine cabinet.  Numbly, he watched Lance move bottles around, and it was only after his brain noted that there wasn’t a sound of rattling pills did it start to play. 

Lance picked up a familiar orange bottle with a faded label.  That… that shouldn’t have been there.  It was in Lotor’s nightstand in his room.  No, he threw it away.  No.  He took it back out of the trash.  It was in Lance’s hands. 

Lance glanced at him.  “Aren’t you going to come in?”

Lotor hesitated.  Unease prickled at the back of his neck.  Things weren’t making sense.  This wasn’t making sense.  His head pulsed painfully and he shivered again. 

“Come inside.  You’ll feel better after some medicine and a nap.” Lance said, and Lotor couldn’t really disagree with him.  He did usually feel better after both of those.  He stepped through the doorway and shut the door.

He pretended not to notice there was only one set of footprints again.

He looked back to the kitchen and Lance was gone.  “Lotor.” Lance’s voice drifted down the dark hallway towards his bedroom.  His gaze flickered from the puddle in the kitchen to the carpeted hallway.  There wasn’t a water trail leading to the carpet. 

There wasn’t a water trail at all.  When he looked back at the kitchen, there wasn’t even a puddle.  He swallowed thickly. 

The door was closed when he approached, but when he opened it, Lance was standing by his bed.  He looked over his shoulder at Lotor and smiled.  “There you are.”  He rested his hand on his hip and cocked his head as he looked at him. 

A playful but caring and sweet smile curled at his lips.  It was almost enough to make Lotor want to start to cry.  “You’re not real.”  He whispered.

Lance’s eyes flashed again with emotion, too fast for Lotor to read it.  “You’ll feel better after some medicine and a nap.” Lance repeated.  He continued to smile. It was so perfect, it physically hurt Lotor’s heart.  He blinked, and Lance was standing in front of him.

The water droplets on his face almost looked like tears despite the gentle smile. His hair was plastered to him in sweeping curls and curves.  “When you wake up, I’ll show you how real I am.”  Lance promised.  “Your medicine is by your bed.”

Lotor looked past Lance to see the familiar bottle on his nightstand.  Just waiting for him.  Some medicine and a nap.  He could almost hear the thought echoed in Lance’s voice.  His hands shook as he picked up the bottle and twisted the lid off. 

He stared down into it.  “I’ll be here when you wake up.” Lance’s voice was a whisper in his ear. 

There was a very strong urge to just throw the pill container across the room.  To pelt it at the imaginary ghost of Lance that was haunting him.  Fuck.  Lance wasn’t real.  How had he been so fooled?  What had he been thinking? 

What had he been _doing_?

“I am real.” Lance whispered, sitting on Lotor’s bed.  He kicked his legs, and there was an off-sync dull thud every time he hit the bed frame.  “And you should take your medicine.  You have a headache, right?”  He nodded at the pill bottle.

What difference did it make if he had a headache?  Sleep aid wouldn’t fix that.  Yet when he looked down at the pill bottle, it wasn’t the too familiar sleep aid pills he was holding but his headache medicine. 

“I’m losing my mind.”  Lotor muttered. 

“You’ll find it again after some sleep.” Lance’s voice was the whisper of footsteps against carpeted floors.  It was a breeze of promise in the courtyard of a museum.  It was the dim lull of conversations in a coffee shop.  “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Somehow, Lotor didn’t doubt that.  He tapped out some pills and held them in the palm of his hand, considering them for a moment. 

Once more he was hit with the urge to toss them away.  To throw them and the bottle against the wall.  But what would happen if he did that?  Logically, he knew nothing would happen.  He would just be standing in his room, soaked, with bunch of pills scattered around.

But if he took the pills…

If he took the pills and he went to bed… He would be better in the morning.  He’d feel better.  The world would be brighter; and… and Lance did say he would be there when he woke. 

Before he could change his mind, he threw back the pills, taking them dry.  

“Sweet Dreams, Lotor.” Lance whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so weird to be updating this as frequently as I have been. It's even weirder to think that Friday is Chapter 5 and then Monday is Chapter 6... the end. It's just.. crazy. Especially since I'm still in the progress of writing "Lilac Sweet", which... let's face it, at over 300K words, is not short. 
> 
> It's kinda weird tho, because even "Lilac Sweet" is drawing to a close. I only need to write a couple more chapters to finish it off and then, boom. It's done. On to other things. 
> 
> Speaking of... (I'll be posting this question [Tumblr](https://star-gazing-knight.tumblr.com/) as well) I know Ghost is really wanting me to to write a multi-chaptered fic from Lance's POV for ["Walk on Water"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12770583), but I've got another Druid Lance fic in mind that will take us alllllllll the way back to Season 1. What do you guys think? Which should I focus on first?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger Warning(s):** Referenced/Mentioned Sex, Suicide Attempt, Referenced/Mentioned Suicide, Mental Instability, Hallucinations, Referenced/Mentioned Drugs
> 
> If you feel that I need to add/remove warnings per chapter, please give me a message on [Tumblr.](https://star-gazing-knight.tumblr.com/) Thank you!

Sunlight passed through the sheer curtains, casting nearly perfect squares of warm light onto his bed.  He could see the light through his closed eyes, and could see when a cloud passed over, casting the room in temporary shadow.

There was the faint and distant sound of an old-style chorus girl song playing somewhere in his apartment complex – singing something about roses and clovers.  It was strangely notable because Lotor usually couldn’t hear anything from his neighbors.  Just barely louder than the music was the sound of someone singing along to it. 

The singing stopped after a few moments, and then he heard the door to his bedroom creak open.  It should have alarmed him, but for some reason, it didn’t.  The bed creaked as a weight settled on it, and a shadow passed over the sunlight, bringing with it the warm scent of pancakes and maple syrup.   The back of a warm hand touched his cheek. 

“Hey.” Lotor’s eye lids fluttered open, and he looked up to see Lance smiling down at him.  The sunlight framed him in a halo, like he was some sort of angel descended just for Lotor.

He wracked his brain, trying to think of when and how Lance had gotten into his apartment.  Not that he was complaining.  Lance was welcome here. 

His mind came up blank until Lance asked, “Feeling better?” and only then did he recall meeting Lance in the rain.  Why had he been out in the rain again?  Why had he been so distressed?  He remembered thinking Lance wasn’t real, but… that didn’t make sense. 

Why had it made so much sense before?  What proof was there to argue against Lance?  What had led him to that conclusion in the first place?

“Yeah.  I think I am.” Lotor replied, and Lance’s responding smile could have blinded the sun. 

“Awesome!”  His hand vanished, and he shuffled a bit down the bed so Lotor could sit up.  Lance’s smile faded as he turned his gaze to the floor.   “I was worried about you.”  Lotor could see him start to worry his lip, so he reached out and gently cupped Lance’s face to turn it back towards him. 

“I’m fine.”  He looked Lance in the eye as he assured him, trying his best to convey how honest he was being. 

“Are you sure?” Lance asked.  “I mean, I don’t normally find you out in the rain.”

Lotor’s eyebrows creased and he dropped Lance’s gaze.  “I… I was upset.”

“What upset you?” Lance asked. 

“I didn’t think you were real.” Lotor admitted quietly.  “Which I realize now is quite silly, but at the time… it just seemed so… true.”

“Hey,” Both of Lance’s hands were on his cheeks, cupping his face.  “I know you joke that I’m as perfect as a dream, but I promise you, I’m here.”   He leaned his forehead against Lotor’s.  This close, Lotor thought he could count the various flecks of blue in Lance’s eyes. 

They stayed there for a moment, just taking comfort in each other’s presence before Lance tilted his head and ever so gently pressed a very chaste kiss against his lips.  He pulled away a few seconds later, the corners of his lips upturning into the smallest and sweetest smile. 

He held one of Lotor’s hands, his thumb brushing reassuringly over the back of Lotor’s hand.  “I know you’ve been having nightmares lately… did you want to talk about them?”

…Nightmares?

Yes.  Yes, he supposed that was what they were.  Nightmares where Lance didn’t exist.  Where he was a business major.  Where he was failing classes, and might have been messed up his attendance.  Where his parents were crap, and his friends… He sucked in a sharp breath.  His _friends_.  They hadn’t believed Lance was real. 

That was what he had been so upset about. 

“My friends didn’t think you were real.”   Lance’s eyebrows knit together in concern.

“…No?” He titled his head in his confusion.  “We’ll all meeting up tomorrow to introduce me, remember?” He leaned past Lotor to swipe a phone off the nightstand.  He unlocked it before pulling up an app to show Lotor.

“See?  You sent me a text about it yesterday, and then complained about a headache and went to take a nap.”  Lance paused.  “Or so you said.  I found you outside in the rain when I was heading home after my shift.”

Lotor nodded, staring at the text screen that Lance was showing him.  It did say the text was from him and… he reached over to grab the other phone off the nightstand.  It was definitely his phone, so… he pulled up his messaging app.

Everything matched up perfectly.

He let out a breath and half laughed, shaking his head slightly. 

Had his meeting with Ezor really just been a weird dream?  Now that he was thinking about it, he could recall her excitement at the news about him getting a boyfriend.  She’d thrown her chair back accidently when she leapt up to hug him in congratulations. 

“I don’t know what I was thinking.”  Lotor muttered. 

“Hey, it’s okay.”  Lance caressed his cheek.  “You’ve been stressing yourself out.  Just take it easy with me for a little bit.”

“But school-”

“You’re already ahead in your classes, and besides, we’re gonna be starting break in a few days… and I know you don’t have class before that.” Lance interrupted him.  “Take some time for yourself… and I know just the way to start: I made waffles.”

Ah.  So Lotor hadn’t imagined that scent.  “Good to see your making yourself at home.” Lotor teased. 

Lance laughed as he stood up.  “Get ready for the day.  I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”  And then he was gone.

Lotor’s heart lurched as he vanished through the doorway, but he told himself it was just a remnant of the nightmare he had. 

Lance was right.  The stress had been getting to him.  Especially if he thought Lance didn’t exist despite putting Lotor to bed. 

He put those darker thoughts away as he readied himself for the day, and then headed to the kitchen only to stop dead at the doorway. 

He wasn’t sure how he hadn’t noticed before, but Lance was wearing _his_ clothes again.  The clothes were too long for Lance, but he made do by rolling up the legs of the sweatpants.   It was adorably endearing to see him walk around Lotor’s kitchen like he belonged there while wearing Lotor’s clothes.

He was dancing to the staticky radio station playing from the old radio that Lotor had never messed with as he stacked pancakes on a plate.  Lotor had gotten the radio in case of emergencies, like a storm or power outage, but never had to use it. 

It was good that Lance could find some use for it, even if it was dancing to old staticky music.  Besides, watching Lance dance was… adorable.

It was different than being in the club, where Lance had been dancing for an audience.  There, he had been dancing to be sexy, to be noticed.  This was just him being silly and having fun.  It wasn’t sexy, or hot.  It was honestly a bit of a mess, and just his body swaying.  But… it was _Lance_. 

He approached Lance quietly, wrapping his arms around him to pull him close.  He swayed with him to the rhythm to the song.  Lance laughed, leaning back against Lotor as he tried to finish what he was doing.   “Lotor~” He whined. 

Lotor chuckled and turned his head to nuzzle kisses against Lance’s neck.  Lance shrieked with surprised laughter, dropping a pancake to the door.  He spun around in Lotor’s arms and pouted up at him.  “Look what you made me do.”

“You’re wearing my clothes.”  Lotor replied, like that was an appropriate answer to Lance’s accusation.  

Lance blinked up at him.  “Well, yeah?”  He shrugged.  “Mine were a bit wet.”

“Mmm.”  Lotor hummed, and without a second thought, hoisted Lance up to sit on an unused area of the counter.  Automatically Lance’s arms wrapped themselves around Lotor and once seated, spread his legs to accommodate for Lotor to stand between them. 

Lotor’s lips easily found Lance’s, swallowing down his gasp of shock at being lifted, and kept him lip locked through the move.  He licked into Lance’s mouth, tasting the sweet flavor maple syrup – someone had already been tasting it – and the slightly bitter taste of pancake mix. 

Lance broke off the kiss, panting slightly.  His chest moved against Lotor with every breath.  His eyes were practically glowing in satisfaction and the primal need for _more._ Which, if asked, Lotor would have been more than willing to provide.

“The food’ll get cold.” Despite his words, Lance’s lips danced over Lotor’s skin, just a shy touch away from his lips. 

“It’ll reheat.” Lotor replied, pulling Lance closer and dipping a hand down to touch the small of Lance’s back.  “Or we’ll make more.” He brushed a kiss against Lance’s cheek before nudging his head to the side to nibble carefully at an earlobe.  “I can think of more delectable things to eat right now.”

Lance’s entire body shivered against Lotor at the promise in his tone.

~

Lance curled up next to Lotor on the couch, wearing a ~~clean~~ different set of clothes than from earlier.  Like always, he fit perfectly against him, like Lance was made for Lotor.  He blessed everything that he found Lance; that they could be so happy and perfect together. 

He stroked the soft skin of Lance’s ankle as they watched some movie on Netflix.  He didn’t know when or if Lance had a shift, or whether he would have to leave to go home soon, but he was enjoying the companionable silence they’d fallen into. 

A crack of thunder interrupted that, and Lance jumped before curling up a bit more against Lotor.  “As often as I see you in rain, and you don’t like storms?” Lotor teased him.  He eyed the window closest to them, noting how much darker it seemed outside. 

Lance shivered, and not the good kind like earlier.  “Just surprised me.” Lance replied.  “Guess I’m not going home anytime soon.” He turned his bright blue eyes on Lotor.  “You won’t leave me out in that, would you?”

Lotor shifted to kiss the top of Lance’s head.  “Never.  I’d never leave you.”

“Guess I’m staying the night again.” Lance sighed.  “Not that I’m complaining.” He looked up at Lotor through his eyelashes with just the hint of a sly little smile.  And oh, did Lotor like the direction that was going. 

He liked the idea of Lance staying in general.  Surely it was too early to suggest that he moved in, but somehow the apartment just seemed so much better with Lance inside it.  He wouldn’t mind it if Lance stayed. 

Speaking of Lance staying… “Where did you stay last night?”  Lotor asked. 

“Here.”  Lance patted the couch cushion beside him.   “Your couch is pretty comfortable.”

Well, that certainly won’t do for the future.  Lotor’s bed was plenty large enough for the both of them, and no matter how comfortable the couch was, he was certain the bed was better. 

“You could have slept with me.”  Lotor’s eyebrows furrowed.  “You’re welcome to share the bed with me.”

“Appreciate that.” Lance shifted, uncurling to lean up and kiss Lotor.  “It’s warmer next to you anyways.” 

~

Lotor woke with a start.  The thunder of the storm outside crashed, seemingly shaking the entire apartment.  He shivered, curling up into a ball.  The longer he stayed awake, the longer some of the crashes of thunder started to sound like fists against his door. 

It didn’t help that he thought he heard Ezor calling his name in the howl of the wind. 

Maybe it was.  He thought about getting up and going to the door to check, but… he shivered again, feeling all too wet and damp.  It felt like he fell asleep with wet clothes, which was ridiculous because who would fall asleep like that. 

Besides, Lance wouldn’t let him go to sleep with wet clothes.  Not when he wanted snuggled and cuddles.  And speaking of Lance… he forced himself to turn over to look for his boyfriend.

The other side of the bed was cold and empty. 

He wasn’t there, but that was alright.  He probably just went to the bathroom or something.  He tried to stay awake for his return, but his eyelids slipped shut and before he knew it, he was drifting off once more.

~

“Lotor?” Lotor’s eyes fluttered open to see Lance looming above him.  Once more, sunlight streamed from the window behind him, casting Lance in a holy light.  It should have been illegal for someone to look so gorgeous. 

Especially with how sleep mussed Lance’s hair was and the small imprints from the pillow against his face.

“Lotor?” Now more awake, Lotor could hear the tell-tale sleepy slur in Lance’s voice that said he just woke up.  “Everything okay?”

“Yeah…”  Lotor nodded and reached out to caress Lance’s cheek.   “I just need to check on something.  Go back to sleep.” 

Lance’s eyes drifted closed as he turned his face into Lotor’s hand.  He let out a little sigh that turned into a yawn, and for a moment, Lotor thought he might fall asleep using his hand as a pillow.  “Mmkay.  Just five more minutes.”  He muttered as he laid back down.

Lotor watched him for a moment, savoring the tender sweetness of the moment.  While awake, Lance was normally so bright and vibrant with life, but in sleep, he was so calm and peaceful in a way Lotor doubted he would ever see otherwise.

He could have laid there in bed for the rest of eternity, watching Lance.  But there was something he needed to check. 

He slipped from the bed and after pulling on a robe, headed to check the door.  On the concrete walkway outside his door, there were childish drawings of roses and clovers in chalk, mostly destroyed by puddles from the rain and the various trails and footprints from people passing by.  Yet despite all that, there was no sign that anyone had come to his door specifically during the night.

The next thing he checked was his phone, but the only unread message was from Ezor and it was just her expressing her excitement about meeting Lance later.

That was right.  Today was the day where he was going to introduce Lance to his friends. 

His nerves about that was probably the source of the odd dream he had.  After all, he had a nightmare about them not believing Lance to exist before.  He messaged her back, reminding her of the restaurant they were planning to meet up at.

Well, since he was already awake, he might as well as make some breakfast for Lance and himself.

~

Lance left not long after waking and eating.  He needed to head over to his own place to get dressed and ready for the dinner with Lotor’s friends, but he promised to come back with a packed bag to leave at Lotor’s.

To some degree, Lotor was saddened that Lance wouldn’t wear his clothes anymore, but at the same time, it was exciting that Lance was willing to pack a bag to leave behind.  That he was planning to just spend the break with Lotor. 

It spoke of so much promise, and Lotor was honestly over the moon.  He couldn’t wait. 

Already he was planning different dates for them to enjoy, from going to the aquarium to visiting the museum, to romantic walks in the park that ended in picnics.

But first… the dinner with his friends.

It was a shame that Allura wasn’t able to attend.  She had her own friend group to cater to, but that was alright.  He always felt closer to Ezor, Narti, Acxa, and Zethrid anyways. 

Besides, now when they went out, Lotor wouldn’t be the awkward fifth wheel anymore.  Now he had Lance, the perfect match to make him into the third pair.

For all intents and purposes, this was basically a triple date.  Which, he supposed, was one of the reasons he was so nervous.

He met up with Lance outside the restaurant, and immediately gave him a chaste kiss before pulling away and giving him a once over.  “How is it that you’re always so beautiful?”

“Skincare routines.” Lance replied with a laugh.  “It helps to have a doting boyfriend who constantly reminds me of how pretty I am to motivate me.”

“You were gorgeous before me.” Lotor replied.  Lance’s already bright eyes seemed to brighten more, and he could just barely see a rose color bloom on Lance’s cheeks and upper ears.   

“Says the handsome one.”

“OMG, you two are sickening cute.” Ezor’s voice wasn’t exactly a surprise as they had planned to meet her and the others here, yet both Lance and Lotor jumped anyways, spinning to the side to look at her.  Her hands were clasped together and she might as well as had little hearts in her eyes. 

Like an imposing wall of judgement, Zethrid stood with crossed arms behind her.  She raised an eyebrow as she appraised Lance. 

“Huh.  You weren’t kidding.”  She said, before pushing past Ezor to get a closer look.  Lotor mentally bristled at the insinuation that he had been lying.  He hadn’t, and Lance was now meeting them as proof of that.  “He’s kinda scrawny.”  She wrinkled her nose.

Well, compared to Zethrid, most people were scrawny.  “He’s perfect.” Lotor defended. 

“Don’t get me wrong, Ez is scrawny too.  But after.. well, I didn’t think you’d like little twinks.”

“Zethrid!” Ezor slapped her girlfriend’s upper arm with the back of her hand.  “Don’t mind her.” She told Lance.  “She’s all tough talk, but I promise, she’s as soft and cuddly as a teddy bear.”

“I’ll have to just take your word for it.”

“So, you’re the one who’s made Lotor so happy lately.” Acxa said as she approached.  Narti followed a step behind, her sharp eyes scanning over Lance a few times before she flashed ‘thumbs up’ to Lotor. 

Warm joy bloomed in Lotor’s heart as he watched his friends greet Lance, and seemly accept him with ease.  All his concerns about his friends rejecting Lance just melted away like they’d never existed.   

~

The TV remained on, playing some movie or show that Lotor had long lost interest in.  A commercial about roses, clovers, and other flowers was currently playing, but he wasn’t paying it any attention.  Instead, his attention was on the warm and welcome weight of Lance’s head in his lap. 

His hand played idly with Lance’s hair, combing through it every so often and gently scratching the scalp with his nails.  Every time the commercials flickered on the screen, his eyelids would flutter, but he had yet to wake.  Lotor had turned down the volume once Lance had fallen asleep, to ensure that he wouldn’t be woken. 

They were both still dressed in the same clothes from their date at the museum earlier.  He knew he probably should have woken Lance, so they could change and ready themselves for bed, but… Lotor was too busy in thought about the various dreams he had been having.

Professor Thace had called him in the middle of dinner to give him a list of the names of the students to tutor and it reminded Lotor of the nightmare where his grades were slipping.  He hadn’t had another nightmare during the entire break he had been with Lance, and it was… nice. 

Especially because the nightmares seemed so real when they happened, but afterwards, they just seemed like faded dreams.  And worse, he knew that in his nightmares, reality seemed like a dream. 

In either ‘place’, he was certain that the one he was in was reality and the one he remembered was the dream?  Which was really reality? 

He _wanted_ it to be this.  He was happy and content here.  He was happy with his major, he had a beautiful and caring boyfriend who his friends approved of.  His grades and attendance were as perfect as it had always been.

It didn’t make sense for reality to be that grim dull world where his nightmares took place.  Where his grades and attendance were apparently slipped, and his friends accused him of lying and hiding things.  Where he was _miserable_.

Was it so wrong for him to believe this to be reality?  It _was_ reality.  Lance was in his lap and undeniably _real_. 

Lance stirred, yawning as he stretched out.  “How long was I out?” He asked, sleep still slurring his words. 

Lotor blinked and furrowed his eyebrows.  “Not sure.”  He admitted.  “I lost track of time.”

“Deep in your thoughts?” Lance’s question was meant to be teasing, but it hit close to home.  Apparently that showed on Lotor’s face as Lance sobered up, sitting up and shifting until he was sitting in Lotor’s lap. 

Automatically, Lotor wrapped his arms around him to keep him stable and close. 

“Thinking about those nightmares again?” It was amazing how perceptive Lance could be at times, and that question only proved that.   He swallowed thickly and nodded.

“When I’m dreaming, it seems so real. Like you aren’t real, and my life is miserable.”

“But I am real.” Lance’s hand cupped his cheek.  “I am real and I’m here, and you aren’t miserable.” 

“I’m not.  Not when I’m here.” Lotor agreed. “But when I’m there…”  He sighed and rested his head against Lance’s chest and shoulder.  “When I’m there… everything sucks.”

“Because it’s a nightmare, Lo.  Everything usually sucks in those.”  Lance cupped his face and directed it up, so he could meet him in the eyes.  “You deserve to be happy, Lo.  You deserve this.” 

“You’re right.”  Lance kissed him at Lotor’s agreement. 

“Of course, I am.”  He said as he pulled away.  “Now, lets head to bed.  I have work tomorrow and I’d really rather not sleep in and be late.”

~

Lotor woke to the buzzing of his phone.  He felt like he was drunk as he tried to turn over to grab it to silence it.  He didn’t want it to disturb Lance’s sleep. 

He squinted at the too bright screen as what looked like a thousand notifications flooded his screen.  He rubbed his eyes, hoping that would make the notifications stop multiplying.

The phone flashed as another call came through.  Ezor’s face appeared on the screen, visible even through his sleep blurred vision. The world spun around him as he slipped out of the bed and his stomach twisted in a very unpleasant way that both said it was hungry _and_ upset at the same time.

It seemed like every time he blinked, there was another sharp stab of pain of his headache.  He was tempted to just ignore the call and return to the bed, but he didn’t.

Instead he shivered as he grabbed his robe.  He didn’t remember falling asleep in his clothes last night, but apparently he had.  Furthermore, they seemed damp… had he been sweating through the night?

Was he coming down with something?  He hoped not as that would be one of the worst gifts for him to give Lance: a cold.

He continued to shiver as he walked out in the to living room to accept the call.  “Hey Ez.”  He greeted, sleep slurring his words only a little bit.  He walked over to the window and leaned against it, looking out at the sadly dreary weather outside. 

Funny, he could have sworn that the weather man had said it would be sunny for a while…. But then again, it was a weather man, and when didn’t they mess up?

“Lotor?” Ezor’s tone was alarming enough to spark him further into awareness.  “I…”  There was what almost sounded like a scuffle in the background when she was cut off, and he thought he heard Acxa’s voice.

“Did… you just… wake up?” The entire question sounded weird and off, like she was reading off a piece of paper or repeating someone else’s question. 

“Yes, that is what people tend to do in the morning.”

“Morning?!  It’s 3 in the afternoon.” 

…Was it really that late?  It wasn’t that he didn’t believe her, but he headed over to the kitchen to check the time there, and then headed to the bedroom to check on Lance.

The bed was empty and cold. 

Lance must have left for his shift.  But why hadn’t he left a note or anything? 

Or maybe he had and Lotor hadn’t found it since he wasn’t looking for it?  Or maybe he woke Lotor before leaving and Lotor didn’t remember because he fell back asleep?  Or maybe… Lance was running late.

“Lotor?  Are you there?” Ezor’s voice reminded him of her presence on the phone, and he cleared his throat. 

“Yeah.  Yeah, I’m here.”

“…Are you okay?”

There was another sound of a scuffle at her question, but this time he could distinctly hear Acxa say, “I told you not to ask that!”

“I’m fine.” He replied.  “Is that Acxa I heard?”

“Huh?  Oh, no.  Just me.” There was a specific tone that Ezor used anytime she lied.  It made her sound just the tiniest bit sweeter and innocent, like that would make people underestimate her further and/or believe her.   It’d been a long time since she last used that tone on Lotor, and it bothered him that she was using it now.

“Uh-huh.”  He transferred the phone to his shoulder as he headed to the kitchen to fill up a glass with water, and then carried said glass to his bedroom where he remembered his headache medicine last being.

The bottle was sitting on his nightstand exactly where he left it, and he didn’t bother looking at the label as he shook out two capsules to take with the water.

“What did you just take?” Ezor immediately asked. 

In the background he could hear Acxa asking, “take?  Like pills?”  She was pretty vocal for someone who wasn’t supposedly there. 

“I didn’t know you’d become my mother.”  Lotor replied coolly. 

“We’re just…”  There was another scuffle and the muted sound of Ezor saying “Ow.” She cleared her throat.  “I mean, I’m just worried.” Que another scuffle and there was the sound of the phone being pressed against her shirt/chest and her muted whispers of, “Quit it.  _You_ talk to him then.  That’s what I thought.”

“There’s nothing to be worried about.  I spent the break with Lance and everything was fine.”

The phone went dead silent.  Which was strange because Lance and Ezor had really gotten along during that dinner, and he _knew_ they had started texting each other. 

Acxa spoke first in a curious whisper of “Break?  What day does he think it is?”

“Lance?” If she was supposed to repeat the question, Ezor didn’t. 

“Yes, Ezor.”  Lotor sighed.  “My boyfriend.  You met him at dinner.  I know you two have been texting.”

Once again the phone went dead silent.  Well, not exactly.  There was a quiet conversation that Lotor couldn’t make out.  The only thing he could hear was “What do we do?” Which seemed like a strange response. 

When Ezor returned it was with false cheer.  “Oh, yeah!  Lance, of course!” She cleared her throat.  “Say, Lotor… why don’t we have dinner tonight. Just you, me, and the girls?”

Well, that was strange.  Why wasn’t she inviting Lance as well? 

“What about Lance?”

She cleared her throat again.  “Uh… doesn’t he have… work tonight?”  And she was lying to him again.  But that was fine – not really – as he could already rebuff this one. 

“No, he took a morning shift.”

“Shit.” Acxa cursed quietly in the background.

“So… he’ll probably be tired!  You don’t want to tire him out, do you Lotor?  Poor thing’ll be exhausted.” 

Lotor’s eyebrows knitted together as he sat back down on the bed.  His headache medicine still hadn’t kicked in but that didn’t mean he was logically impaired.  He could put pieces together.  Two plus two still equaled four.

There were very clear and persistent facts present that he could not ignore.  Ezor and Acxa were both listening to the conversation.  Ezor lied about Acxa not being there to him. Acxa was curious as to what date Lotor thought it was, like that was important.  Ezor wanted him to go to a dinner with the girls.   And neither Ezor nor Acxa wanted Lance present. 

So, either they suddenly somehow had a problem with Lance that they wanted to discuss with Lotor or…

Or this was a dream.  Specifically, this was part of his current string of nightmares.  Well, there was only one way to find out.  Unfortunately, if he asked then his friends would think him crazy if this was reality.  But if this was the nightmare, then what did it matter what they thought?

“Lance doesn’t exist, does he?”

He knew the pain was all in his mind – quite literally with his headache – but just saying those words seemed to physically crush his heart. 

Not surprisingly, the phone went silent once more.  Ezor let out a long, suffering sigh.  “Lotor.  Are you confusing dreams for reality?” Well, that was as good as an answer as Lotor was going to get.  This was the nightmare. 

“Don’t ask him that!” Acxa whispered shrieked to Ezor. 

“I’m not.”  Lotor’s response was short and clipped; and he knew this version of his friends would disagree.  After all, Lance was right that nightmares were designed to make him miserable, and as such, they would disagree with him. 

And this was the nightmare.  He couldn’t mistake that for reality.  Now, to just figure out how to end this nightmare, preferably forever. 

Ezor’s response was an unimpressed hum of disagreement. 

“Like you established, I just ‘woke up’.  Ergo, I was still somewhat asleep.  I’m more awake now.” Lotor continued to explain, not knowing why he was bothering to try to reassure this miserable figment of his mind.  “Don’t worry about me.  When did you want to meet tonight?”

“Oh.  Um… how about six-ish?  I’d suggest after class, but you’ve already missed all of them today.”

“Don’t tell him that!”

Oh, how lovely.  His mind was really focused on making him miserable, wasn’t it?  Good thing he knew this all wasn’t real.  He considered the bottle of pills that he put back on his nightstand and titled his head thoughtfully. 

He could never remember with crystal clarity the end of his previous nightmares, but he had a hunch that by ‘falling asleep’, he would end the dream.  At least, temporarily.  Until his brain ‘picked it back up’ at least.

Could he ‘fall asleep’ in a dream?  Based on the books he read, he knew he was lucid dreaming, so technically he _should_ be able to control his actions and choose to sleep.

He audibly sighed.  “I’ll talk to my professors.”  He said in response to Ezor’s mention of him missing classes.  If he had actually missed them, then he would be more concerned, but this was just a nightmare.  It was trying to make him miserable.

That was what nightmares did.

“I’ll talk to you more tonight.  Text me the details.” He hung up on her without waiting for a response, and almost immediately the phone rang as she called him back.  He didn’t bother to deny the call, and instead tucked the phone under some soft materials in his nightstand so he wouldn’t have to hear it. 

That taken care of, he laid down on his bed and closed his eyes.

~

Lotor’s life was as perfect as it could possibly be with the exception of one minor, tiny, little thing: his nightmares. 

It wasn’t that his nightmares were particularly gruesome or terrifying, but they were quite miserable.  His so called ‘friends’ believed him to be a liar, his boyfriend didn’t exist, his major was _business – of all things._ Not to mention his slipping grades and missed classes.  Worst of all, although they had yet to make an appearance in his nightmares, Lotor was certain that there were issues with his parents as well. 

Nothing could have been further from the truth, as Lotor was discovering now. 

He smiled at his mother as his father and Lance continued to talk about business and politics over their dinner.  She reached beside him and grabbed his hand, squeezing it gently.  “I’m glad you’ve found someone who makes you happy, Lotor.”  She said to him.

“He really does.” Lotor replied, smiling fondly at Lance.  “When I’m with him, it’s like nothing could go wrong.”

Being with Lance was almost like being in a… a dream.  His smile fell at that thought.  Lance couldn’t be a dream, because if he was, then that meant that the nightmares were reality.  And which would he prefer to be real?  The dream of course.

Nightmares existed to make him miserable, to make him doubt. 

“Is something wrong, Lotor?” His mother asked.  She reached out and tucked a stray lock of his hair behind his ear. 

“Just thinking of how lucky I am to have Lance, and your approval of him.”

His mother laughed and shook her head.  “I don’t know, the way they’re getting on,” She nodded at his father and Lance, “we might have to reconsider.  Politics and business at the dinner table?” They both looked at Lotor and his mother with wide eyes.  “I know you have better manners.  Or at least, I know Zarkon does.”

Lance flushed and cleared his throat.  “My apologies, ma’am.”

“Please, call me Honerva.” She interjected.  “There’s no need for formalities between us if you’re going to continue to pursue my son.  After all, one day you might just be family.”

And wasn’t that an idea?  Lance’s face didn’t always show blushes that well, but Lotor could tell that the idea had him flushing at the thought that they would one day be married.  That day was still some time off, but Lotor could imagine that Lance would look positively ravishing in a white suit. 

Lance would look beautiful anywhere and at any time. 

“Honerva!” Zarkon chided.  “Don’t threaten the poor lad with joining the family just yet.  Let him think we’re normal until it’s too late for him to escape.” He joked.

The entire table laughed, including Lance – letting Lotor know that he wasn’t too bothered by the talk of marriage. 

“So far you’re just as normal as any other family.”  Lance assured Zarkon, continuing the joke. 

“Ha.  Would you listen to him?”  Zarkon clasped Lance on the back.  “He thinks flattery will get him somewhere.”

“A little bit of flattery gets someone somewhere.” Lance shrugged.  “And if it gets me in the good graces of my boyfriend’s family, then I’m not about to forgo using it.”

“Such a charmer.”  His mother said.  “I can see why you were attracted to him.”

Lotor laughed and reached across the table to hold Lance’s hand.  Lance spared him a moment to look at him and give him an equally tender and happy smile.  “I think Lance and I will be very happy together.” 

Especially once Lotor took care of his nightmares.  It was something Lotor was going to bring up to Lance once they were finished with dinner.  Lance laced his fingers through Lotor’s and squeezed gently. 

“The happiest.” Lance said, before leaning over the table and chastely kissing Lotor. 

“Now, now, save that for the bedroom.” Honerva teased with a wink.  “We haven’t even finished dinner yet, no need to start on dessert.”

“Mother!” Lotor gasped, his jaw dropping. 

~

“Words don’t explain how pleased I am that the dinner with my parents went well.” Lotor informed Lance. 

Lance hummed, already sitting in Lotor’s lap on the couch and kissed him, considerably less chastely than he had at dinner.  “I can think of other ways you could explain.”  Lance whispered into his ear after breaking off the kiss.

It was tempting.  So very, very tempting, but Lotor _needed_ to talk with Lance about his nightmares.  Yet Lance’s lips against his were such a pleasant distraction, especially when he moved down to suck and nip at his neck.  

Lotor’s eyes fluttered closed as he leaned his head back to give Lance further access.  “I think you’re the one explaining to me.” Lotor murmured as he ran a hand up and down Lance’s back in encouragement.

“You just want me down on my knees.”  Lance had every right to sound as smug and cocky as he did. 

“It is a pretty look for you.” Lotor agreed.  “Sometimes it feels as if you were made for me.” 

“Maybe I was.”  Lance replied, reminding Lotor of the thought he had at dinner and just like that… the mood was gone.   “The world works in mysterious ways.” 

“About that… we need to talk.”  Lance stopped his ministrations and pulled back so Lotor could look at him properly. 

“Uh oh.”  Lance’s eyebrows furrowed.  “Those are never good words to hear, especially when we’re…”  He gestured between them, as if he couldn’t bring himself to say, ‘about to have sex’.  “Should I be worried?”

Lotor cupped his cheek and brushed his thumb against him.  “No, no, my love.”  

Lance’s eyes brightened at the nickname Lotor hadn’t meant to let slip.  “But it can’t wait?” Lance asked.

“I’m scared to fall asleep.”

“Then I’ll keep you up all night.” Lance promised with a wink. 

Lotor had no doubt of that, but they would need to sleep eventually.  And if he fell asleep, then…

“But what if I have the nightmare again?”  What if the nightmare was reality, and he couldn’t return to this perfect pleasant dream?  He wanted to stay here, in this reality with Lance.  Where he was happy, and everything was pleasant and perfect.

Lance’s eyebrows further furrowed.  “Nightmare?” He repeated before tilting his head in confusion.  “You’re still having those?”

“They’re growing progressively worse.”  Lotor admitted.  “I… I’ve been having doubts again.”

“That I’m real?” Lance furrowed his eyebrows as he asked, the beginnings of a pout pulling at his lips. 

“You seem so perfect for me, it’s like you’re a dream.” Lotor didn’t exactly confirm Lance’s, but his words didn’t exactly disagree either.  “But you’re a dream I’d like to continue to have.  I don’t want the nightmares anymore.”

Lance pursed his lips.  “This is really bothering you, isn’t it?”

“I interrupted the possibility of sex because of it.”  Lotor dead panned.  “I wouldn’t cock-block myself for a _game_.”

“I suppose you wouldn’t.”  Lance sighed.  “Let me go take care of myself and… I’ll do some research.”

“I could take care of you myself?” Lotor suggested, but Lance had already slipped off his lap and was headed towards the bathroom. 

He looked back at Lotor and quirked an eyebrow.  “You had your opportunity.”

“My love is cruel.”  Lotor whined as Lance shut the door.

~

The apartment was quiet as they both worked on researching dreams and what to do for Lotor’s situation.  He wasn’t finding anything, and it was beginning to appear like the situation was hopelessly bleak.  It had already been dark after the dinner with his parents, but now it was nearing the wee hours of the morning. 

He flipped another page of the book in his lap and glanced at the clock.  The early hour had him grimacing, and he knew he should probably head to bed, but… he was terrified that when he ‘woke’, it would be to the nightmare. 

“You need to end the dream – the nightmare.”  Lance’s sudden statement started Lotor after so long of silence.  He blinked at his boyfriend, his mind mentally repeating what he said a few times before the message finally sunk in.

“So how do I do that?”  Lotor asked. 

Lance hummed and clicked on a few things on his laptop.  “Have you ever continued a dream after you’ve died in it?” Lance asked.  

There was something about the question that just set Lotor’s hair on end.  Some implication that his mind was registering that he had yet to consciously realize.  He shifted in his seat, putting aside his own laptop.  “I don’t usually have dreams at all.”

“It’s unfortunate that your only dreams have been nightmares.”  Lance sighed.  “But for most people, it seems like after you die… you don’t continue the dream.”

“So, what?”  Lotor asked.  “You think I need to… what?  _Kill the dream_?” Lance shut the book and folded his hands on top of it.

That was just… crazy.  Lance was suggesting that he _kill the dream_ by essentially killing himself in the dream.  It sounded too crazy to work, but then again, the craziest ideas tended to work.  But still, the risks were great.  He just couldn’t believe Lance would suggest something like this.

“Yeah.”  He nodded.  “Yeah, I do.”

But Lance was.  He was suggesting this.  Lotor’s stomach twisted very unpleasantly. 

“That’s crazy!” Lotor shook his head.  “There’s got to be another way!  What if it kills me?”

“It’s just a nightmare, Lotor.” Lance moved the laptop off to the side, and approached the couch Lotor was sitting on, and took a seat next to him.  He took his hand and gently squeezed it.  “It’ll be fine.”

“And if it’s not?”

Lance was quiet, and he looked out the window with pursed lips.  In the silence from his lack of answer, Lotor could hear each and every tick from the clock like it was counting down the seconds to his death. 

“If it’s not… then that means I am a dream.”  Lance finally replied.  “And you’ll be able to continue it in peace.”  Lotor physically recoiled, staring at Lance with wide unbelieving eyes.

“What?”

“You’re miserable there, Lotor!”  Lance’s entire body seemed to scream defeat and sorrow.  “You’re miserable.  Do you really want to live in a world like that?” He cupped Lotor’s cheek.  “Or would you rather stay here… with me?”

Lotor’s stomach flipped again.  “I…”

Lance blinked but when his eyelashes fluttered, Lotor could see the shining wetness of nearly unshed tears.  “Of course, I want to be with you.” Lotor said. “There’s nothing I want more than for this to be real.”

Lance licked his lips and swallowed thickly before leaning forward and kissing him.  “Then _end the dream_.”  Lance whispered.  “It’s the only way you’ll ever be happy.”  He pulled away, but grabbed one of Lotor’s hands so he could pull him to his feet.  “Let’s head to bed.  I’ll see you in the morning.”

~

Lotor woke to his phone buzzing somewhere in his room.  It took him a moment to remember that he shoved it in to his nightstand. 

He felt drunk as he sat up, his head spinning.  Or maybe it was the room spinning.  This was a nightmare, so it was entirely possible.  Things didn’t always make sense in dreams.  He stomachs twisted painfully, and it felt like someone was steadily taking a pickaxe to his brain as he stood up. 

He pulled his phone out, noting the time and that there were missed calls from all of his friends.  There was a pounding noise which he only just realized wasn’t coming from his head but instead his front door. 

His ‘friends’; here to ‘talk’ to him about his ‘imaginary’ boyfriend and the wreck of a life he now had. 

No, thank you.   He wasn’t interested in continuing this dream. 

Lance said that the only way for him to be happy was to end the dream, and that was exactly what Lotor was going to do.  One way or another, the dream was ending tonight. 

But how to end it? 

He never considered taking his own life before.  He never planned for it, never put much stock into looking into it. 

He couldn’t think with all the noise his friends were making.  Between the thud of his heartbeat in his ears, the pickaxe pain in his head, and the pounding of his room, there was no room for thoughts.  For him to consider how to end the dream.

He needed somewhere quiet to think.  Somewhere few would think to look for him.

He pocketed his phone as he pulled on some shoes, not caring about what he looked like or how he was dressed, and slipped – with some difficulty – out the fire escape. 

The world continued to spin around him as the sky started to drizzle, as if it was crying for him.  As if the nightmare didn’t want to end.

The city was even louder than his apartment, driving Lotor to more remote areas, like the bridge overlooking the lake of the park that he and Lance often visited.  He took a seat on the edge, uncaring of the noise of the cars from behind him.

The rush of wind and the roar of the engines was more manageable than any other noise Lotor had encountered yet.  There was a sort of rhythm to it that he found almost sort of soothing.  He shivered, wrapped his arms around himself. 

For a brief moment, he thought of having Lance’s arms wrapped around him in a comforting hug, his chin resting on Lotor’s shoulder.  “End the Dream.”  His voice was a whispered ghost on the wind, nonexistent to anyone but Lotor.  But he knew that if he listened, if he ended the dream, Lance’s voice would be a phantom no more.

All he needed to do was end the dream, and he would find happiness.  He would be with Lance in peace, free of his nightmares.

Lotor’s stomach felt like it was twisting itself into a knot, yet also trying to crawl up his throat.

It was late, so late that he couldn’t even see where he and Lance would stop in the morning, let alone the lake below him.   He could barely see the shine of it, reflecting in the moonlight some ways away, but directly beneath him, it was an endless inky black pool. 

Lance was an artist.  He would have loved to have painted it. No.  No, Lance was a marine biologist?  Lawyer?  Businessman? Politician? 

He had been talking business and politics with his father, hadn’t he?  But he wanted to be a marine biologist to be closer to the beach?  No.  No, no, no.  He had been an artist.  His doodles and pictures would be in a museum someday. 

So many majors that all seemed to fit, that just felt ‘right’ to Lotor.  Yet he couldn’t tell which was the truth.  Why couldn’t he remember?  He would think he would remember something as important as his boyfriend’s major. 

It bothered Lotor that he suddenly couldn’t recall what Lance’s major was.  Why couldn’t he remember? 

Because this was a nightmare and it existed to make him miserable.  He would only ever be happy if he could just end the dream like Lance said. But how? How to end the dream?  Lance had suggested dying in the dream, but… His stomach twisted unpleasantly at the dark turn his thought had taken. 

He couldn’t stab himself.  He couldn’t imagine slitting his wrists.  He could overdose, but his mother worked on pharmaceuticals and he knew that pharmaceuticals were specifically made now-a-days so one would survive even an overdose.  There would be lasting medical effects, but they’d at least live.

He could use street drugs… but where would he find that?  Where would he get the money for that?  All he had was his phone on him.

Why was he still holding onto his phone anyways?  He should probably just toss it off the bridge… he just had an idea.

He could throw himself off the bridge!

The distance to the water should be enough to cause him his death, and if it didn’t, well… then it should be shallow enough that he would hit his head.  Quick, easy, relatively painless.  And best of all, he was already there.

It was so simple! 

“End the dream.”  Lance encouraged from behind him as he stood up.  He toed the edge of the bridge and peered down into the darkness.  His stomach swooped at the sight.  “End the dream.” 

“Lotor, don’t!”  Arms wrapped around him at the same time the voice cried out – possibly Ezor’s, but how had she found him?! – preventing him from throwing himself off the bridge.  He struggled in his assailant’s arms, but they refused to let go of him.

They twisted him around and away from the edge, dragging him away from his salvation.  From his escape.  He screamed, digging his nails into the leather jacket of his assailant, fighting to be released.  He needed to end the dream. 

Of course, the nightmare wouldn’t let him.  Why would it?  It wanted to continue to make him miserable. 

“This is for your own good.”  Zethrid ground out into his ear, still holding him tightly.  “Narti, do you have the stuff to knock him out?”

There wasn’t a response, but he saw Narti seemingly appear out of the darkness between the various passing headlights to press a cloth against his face.  He breathed in and smelt something sweet, and then the world turned dark. 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger Warning(s):** Referenced/Mentioned Suicide Attempt, Suicide Victim Implications, Referenced/Mentioned Victim Blaming, Referenced/Mentioned Therapist, Referenced/Mentioned Psychologist care, Referenced/Mentioned Drugs
> 
> If you feel that I need to add/remove warnings per chapter, please give me a message on [Tumblr.](https://star-gazing-knight.tumblr.com/) Thank you!

He woke in his apartment.  He could hear Ezor – the voice from the bridge – on the phone with someone.  There was another person by his window, no doubt making sure he didn’t escape through the fire escape again.  Based on the build, he thought it might have been Zethrid. 

Narti sat on the edge of his bed, holding his headache medicine – no, his sleep aids – in one hand with a guilty expression.  Axca was kneeling beside her, signing, “Don’t beat yourself up, Narti.  You didn’t know this would happen.”

She put the pills down and reached out to stop Axca’s hand and prevent her from further signing. 

“I approved the pills for him.”

“And I sent him to the pyscho in the first place.” Ezor must have finished her phone call because she was adding herself to the conversation. 

Acxa pursed her lips and Lotor could see her formulating responses in her head before she glanced at him and gasped quietly.  “He’s awake.”

Instantly he could feel the entire room’s attention on him.  Narti slowly signed, “How do you feel?”

Some part of Lotor wondered if he was in the dream or in the nightmare.  This felt so real, but then again, it often did.  Lance’s lack of presence led him to believe it was the nightmare still.

He would have to find a new way to end it.

“I’m fine.”

“I called your mother.” Ezor said, leaning against the door frame.  “We’re to stay with you until she can find… the care you need.”

“Mother doesn’t care about me, and I don’t need any ‘ _care’_.” Lotor didn’t say the last word so much as spit it out like it was vile poison.  He didn’t need care because as soon as he could end the dream, he would be back to his perfect, happy life.

“You tried to kill yourself.”  Zethrid spoke up from her place by the window.  “If we hadn’t called Allura… if her friend hadn’t been able to track your phone… if we hadn’t been quick enough… you’d be dead right now.”

Acxa shot her a dirty look which softened as she returned her gaze to Lotor. 

“The fact you hesitated for so long and brought your phone with you shows you didn’t really want to die.”

“I don’t want to die.”  Lotor said, ignoring how his friends all exchanged looks at his statement.  “I just want the dream to end.  I just want to be happy.” His voice cracked at the end, and before he knew it, tears were streaming down his face.  “I just want to be happy!” He repeated in a shout. 

“Oh boy.”  Ezor sighed.  “This is… this is gonna take some work.” 

“And what made you think that killing yourself would make you happy?” Zethrid asked. 

“He didn’t.”  Acxa replied for him.  “He thinks… he thinks this is a dream.” 

“This isn’t a dream.”  Lotor snapped.  “It’s a fucking nightmare! My friends think I’m a liar, I hate my major, my parents hate me, everything I’ve worked for is down the drain and I don’t even have my boyfriend to support me!”

“But… what makes you think this is the nightmare?  And what makes you think killing yourself is the way to ‘end’ it.”   Acxa asked.

“Well, he’s not wrong.  Killing himself would end it.  It’d end everything.” Ezor muttered.  Acxa shot her another sour look.  “Just sayin’.”  Ezor shrugged. 

“Lance said to be happy, I had to end the dream.”

“I’m going to stop you right there… because Lance doesn’t exist.” Acxa shook her head, raising a hand to silence Lotor before he could protest otherwise.  “He doesn’t.  What’s his major?  His favorite food?  His favorite color?  Who’s his family?  What’s his last name?  When’s his birthday?  I’ll wait.”

Lotor’s mouth shut with a quiet click.  His mind whirled as it tried to answer any of the questions.  Surely he should know them, right?  Part of him wanted to blame his persisting headache for his inability to answer any of the questions, but there was a sinking suspicion in his gut that his headache wasn’t the reason why. 

He even questioned it to Lance himself. 

If he killed himself here, he would either be killing himself in reality or in a dream.  One option ended the dream forever, and the other prevented him from ever dreaming again.  Yet Lance said that if he did die, he would still dream of Lance; of his happy, perfect life.

But would he?  If Lance was a figment of his imagination, a dream… then what would he know of what happened after death?  How would he know that the dream would continue?

“He isn’t respond-”

“Shh, let him work through it.”

Lotor’s whole body started to tremble and Narti wrapped a blanket around him. “Lance was a dream.”  Lotor finally worked out.  “A beautiful, wonderful dream.”

“Even those have to end sometime.  ‘Nothing gold stays’.”  Ezor muttered.

“I’ll never be happy again.” Lotor muttered.  There was a burning pressure building up behind his eyes, and he wanted to scream.   A sob was trapped in his chest making it painfully tight against his broken heart. “I need to say goodbye to him.”

“You can do that by throwing those away.” Narti signed to him, pointing to the sleep aid pills and then to the trashcan before miming the sign for ‘goodbye’. 

Lotor held his hand out for the pill container, and with some hesitance, Acxa handed it over.  He rolled it around in his hand.  If he threw these away… if they were truly the cause of his dreams of Lance… it would be like he was throwing Lance away.

“Someday the dream has to end.” Zethrid muttered. 

Lotor took a deep breath and shook his head.  “I can’t.”

“You must, or I will.” Axca threatened.  “You nearly died, Lotor.” 

She wasn’t wrong, and he knew it.  He knew he needed to throw those pills away, to toss them out of his life and never think of them again.  Like Zethrid said, the dream had to end somewhere.  Even Lance had said that the dream needed to end.

His hands were shaking, but he threw the pill container anyways.  It hit against the wall and bounced, disappearing into the room. 

“We’ll find those later.”  Acxa sighed.  “We’re pretty sure they’re the cause of everything.  Apparently the ingredients are safe sperate, but together, they don’t react well in the body.  We’re going to be letting the police know about this, in case the guy who gave you those harms anyone else.”

“I should have noticed.” Narti signed before sighing and looking off to the side, a single tear dropping off her face.  “I could have lost you.”

The guilt Lotor felt was crippling.  Not just for Narti and Ezor – who obviously felt guilty for their own parts in this tragedy – but also for Lance and himself.  He closed his eyes and just wished it all away.

~

“Lance said to be happy I had to end the dream.”  Lotor sighed as he looked out the window at the cityscape.  It’d been some time since his last dream with Lance, but he had finally reached a point where he could talk about him without being in pain.

“I think I finally understand what he was truly saying.” Lotor licked his lips and took a deep breath.  “He was a figment of my imagination, a dream my mind used to give itself form and voice.  He wasn’t really telling me to kill myself that day… but to let him go.”

His therapist, Coran hummed thoughtfully.  The scratching sound of his fountain pen against paper filled the air as he took some notes.  “And how would you say things have changed over the past year since doing that?”   He asked.

“Better… I think.”  Lotor replied.  “Father still forgets some family dinners, but mother hasn’t missed one yet.”  Lotor half smiled, remembering his mother looking about his apartment after dinner, asking about his friends and his new major. “She really seems to support me going into anthropology.”

“That’s always good to hear.”  Coran said.  “Speaking of that, how are the classes?”

“They’re fantastic.” They were so much better than what Lotor remembered from his dreams.  They were engaging and fun and he was learning _so much_.   But they were also challenging and hard, forcing Lotor to really commit to them.  “They’re nothing like the business classes I was taking.”

Coran nodded, and Lotor looked back at him to see him tugging at his mustache in a way that Lotor had come to realize meant his therapist was in thought.  “So, you would say you’re happier now with this major?”

“Yeah.”  Lotor didn’t even hesitate before answering.  It was very clear to him that he should have been studying this from the get-go.  If only he hadn’t been so held back by his perceived expectations from his family.  “Yeah, I am.”

And it was funny to him that it took a dream and a near-death experience for him to realize how shackling and miserable those perceptions were.  There was a lot of negative that came from his whole ordeal, but he liked to try to look at the positive side of it all.

His relationship with his parents was improving.  He was in the major he had always wanted to be in.  His friends were supportive of him.  He was getting his life back on track towards his happiness, and really, reality paled in comparison to the dream. 

He was happier now.  Things weren’t _perfect_ like they were in the dream, but he almost preferred that.  It was much more satisfying to work towards his goal instead of just _having it_. 

“That’s good.”  Coran nodded again.  “And the dreams?  Have you had anymore?”

“Not since I threw the pills away.”

“That’s also good.”  Coran smiled at him.  “You know, I think we can actually start having meetings once a month now, if you feel comfortable with that?”

Progress!  Coran being willing to drop down to once a month was progress and that meant Lotor was getting better. 

Which he supposed made sense.  He was better.  There were still low times, where he stared at his medicine cabinet and wondered if he could somehow recreate the dreams, or where he walked past Macidus’ old office. 

Of course, when the police had checked it, it had been as abandoned as it appeared.  It seemed Macidus had made a habit of testing new ‘sleep aid’ drugs on unsuspecting people who came to him for his ‘matchmaking’ services, but once things started to go south, he always dipped out before the police could find him.

Ezor had been endlessly apologetic about sending Lotor to him in the first place, and it’d taken quite a bit of time to help Narti get over her own guilt in not noticing that the ingredients would probably react poorly with him.

On the bright side, helping Narti get over that guilt helped Acxa and Narti to get back together, as Narti realized that Acxa never had a thing for the other guy after all.

“I think that’s good… but I’ll still be able to call you at any time, right?” 

“Of course.”  Coran closed his notebook.  “As always, you’re free to call me anytime you need, Lotor.” 

“Even if it’s at 3 o’clock in the morning, again?”  Lotor asked, raising an eyebrow.  He too stood up, recognizing the signs of his meeting to be just about done. 

Coran laughed, his eyes literally sparkling in a way Lotor had always thought to be impossible outside of a Harry Potter book.  “Of course, of course.  And you know that if I don’t pick up, I’ll call you back as soon as I can.”

“Naturally.  You’re a good therapist, and I can’t imagine you’re not booked with appointments all the time.”

“I take some time for myself, as we all must.”  Coran walked him over to the door.  “But if I could spend every minute of my life helping others, it’d be worth it.”  He nodded over at the receptionist desk. 

“I’ve already told Matt that you’ll be dropping down to once a month, if you’ll stop by with him to set up your next appointment, you’ll be good to go.”

Lotor nodded.  “Thank you, Coran.”

“You’re very welcome.” He clasped Lotor on the shoulder and patted him a few times before heading back inside his office, presumably to get it ready for his next client.  Lotor headed over to the desk. 

Matt was typing furiously on the computer as Lotor approached but looked up with a friendly smile when he noticed Lotor.  “Hey!  Ready to schedule your next appointment?”

There was something about him that always reminded Lotor of someone he met in one of his dreams with Lance, but then again, Coran said that the brain often just used the faces of people he had seen to populate dreams. 

It was very likely that everyone he ever met in his dreams had been someone that he had just passed on the street and not consciously noticed.

Lotor nodded and worked through the conversation as quickly as he could.  Being around people who reminded him of the dreams had been tough in the beginning, but he had gotten better about it. 

He couldn’t imagine meeting the person who had Lance’s face.  Some part of him hoped he never did, but another part of him was deeply curious as to what the Real ‘Lance’ was like.  Did they share the same name?  The same interests? 

Coran and his friends had helped him to realize that he didn’t really know anything about Lance, besides the fact that he liked Caramel Macchiatos.  There was nothing substantial, nothing real about him.  He had no back story. 

He was flimsy with no real base upon which to stand beyond a pretty face and an ability to redirect Lotor and plug in whatever Lotor thought about him.  Thinking back on the dreams and working through them one by one with Coran had been difficult, but it had helped Lotor see all the tiny little inconsistencies.

Small things that Lotor had noticed, but not enough to really _notice_.  Things like a laptop turning into a book or a tea becoming coffee.  The weather inconsistencies were another big clue.

And speaking of weather, Lotor noted that it looked like it was about to rain as he stepped outside the building.  Good thing he brought an umbrella.  It was always rainy this time of year, and really, he should have known something was wrong based on how sunny his dreams often were.

His phone rang as he was halfway down the block, and he pulled it out to see it was a call from Allura. 

She had been trying to keep in better touch with him and his friends ever since that day, and it was an effort Lotor whole hearted appreciated.  Although, lately, Allura had been sounding distant and upset over the phone.

He had been trying to get her to tell him what was wrong, but she insisted it was nothing.  Like he couldn’t hear that there was clearly something wrong in her voice. 

She seemed to think that Lotor didn’t need her to burden her with her worries and concerns, like she thought Lotor would just snap or regress back to the shell of a person he had been a year ago.  He told her he wasn’t that fragile but… The most he managed to get was that one of her friends was having a hard time and that she was worried about him. 

“Lotor!  How was your appointment?” She chirped into his ear once he answered the call.

“Fantastic.  He’s dropping me down to once a month.”

“That’s wonderful news!” Allura cheered. “I’m so proud of you!”

She didn’t know the specifics of what happened.  Not many people did.  The only ones who truly knew were his closest friends – the ones who stopped him from jumping off that bridge and made him throw away those pills – and his parents.

Of course, his father viewed it as a sign of weakness, but his mother?  His mother had really started to try to be better for him. 

Allura knew that something happened and that it resulted in him needing therapy – she was the one who had recommended Coran in the first place – and his almost suicide.  It seemed crazy to think about it now. 

How close he had almost come to death that night.  If his friends hadn’t been there for him, then he might have joined the unknown numbers of Macidus’ victims. 

The skies finally decided to make good on their threat, and with a loud crash of thunder, rain finally started to fall down upon the city.  Those without umbrellas or jackets shouted in dismay, racing around with their arms above their heads like it might help protect them from the rain.

Other people either pulled up their hoods or opened up their umbrellas, like Lotor.  A very small fraction of people did none of the above, and just continued walking as if it weren’t raining at all.

“Oh… it’s raining again.  You aren’t caught out in it, are you?” Allura said.

“I have an umbrella, its fine.” Lotor said.  As if the fates were bound to prove him wrong, he couldn’t stop the sneeze that immediately followed his words.  

Allura giggled.  “Sure.”  She sounded so believing of him, but she didn’t call him out further.  He continued to talk in the rain.  He could have gone into one of the many little shops lining the sidewalk to escape it, but the rain was soothing. 

Like it could just wash away everything. 

“So, what’s going on?”  Lotor asked. 

“Nothing much…”  She sighed.  “My friend is still going through some hard times.  I wish I knew exactly what was wrong with him.” He didn’t have to see her to imagine that she was twirling and playing with a strand of her long hair. 

This was clearly upsetting her if she was actually opening up to him about it.  “Have you tried talking with him?”

“Of course!  But he just says he’s not sleeping well and leaves it at that.”  She sighed again.  “I’ve been thinking of maybe introducing him to some more friends.  He’s a social person and a lot of our shared friends are introverts.” 

“Mm… You could send him my way?” Lotor suggested.  “Ezor and Zethrid definitely count as extroverts, and if he needs some quiet time, he can also go back to you guys or hang with me, Acxa, or Narti.” 

“Oh, no.  I couldn’t, Lotor.  You have enough on your plate-”

“Please.”  Lotor rolled his eyes.  “I’m down to once-a-month sessions, and besides, it’ll be good for me to make a new friend.  You’re hogging all the guys to yourself.”

“Not all my friends are guys!” Allura audibly pouted.  “Just… most of them. Oh, alright.  Point made.  Touché.”

He passed by what appeared to be a new shop.  There was a large red banner that proclaimed it was ‘Coming Soon’ and ‘Now Hiring’.  The door was wide open, and though the rain, Lotor could smell the bitter and refreshing scent of fresh coffee. 

Another coffee shop close to the campus.  Ezor would be pleased.  He mentally bet that she would be dragging him in within the first opening week 

He paused to watch the shop keeper as they seemingly flew across the shop to try to close the door and laughed a bit to himself before moving on. 

“Something funny?” Allura asked.

“New coffee shop left their door open in the rain.”

“Hmm, well, they’ll learn.” He nodded in mute agreement, despite the fact that she couldn’t see him. 

“Say, what was your friend’s name again?”

“Oh, it’s La-” Lotor wasn’t able to hear the rest as a huddled stranger collided into him from the side, nearly knocking his umbrella from his grasp and successfully sending Lotor’s phone to the ground.  It clattered as it fell along with the stuff the person had been holding.

He bent down to both help the guy up and to pick up what he had dropped along with his phone, but he froze as his gaze fell upon what the stranger had dropped. He felt like his heart was trying to escape his chest as he stared at what had rolled to his feet, his mind running double time to process the object at his feet.

An orange pill bottle with the most familiar script on it.

He was aware of the distant sound of Allura’s voice coming from the phone, her voice frantic and worried.  Yet he couldn’t move, too paralyzed by the existence of the pill bottle in front of him.

“Shit!” The stranger said.

Lotor’s heart stopped struggling, and he was fairly certain he couldn’t breathe.  ‘No.’ his mind seemed to whisper to him. ‘It’s not possible.’  Yet a tanned hand reached out and grabbed the pills.  “I am so sorry!” The stranger continued, as if his voice and the pills weren’t trying to put Lotor into an early grave that he had literally just dug himself out of.

“Here’s your ph…”  The stranger trailed off as Lotor could finally move.  He looked up at the owner of the hand offered his phone. 

Lotor’s gaze fell upon the most beautiful shade of blue he had ever seen, rimmed in the telltale redness and puffiness of recent tears.  The dream had paled in comparison to reality for his classes, and that was no less true for this as well. “It’s you.” The owner of those eyes breathed out. 

“Lance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank You Everyone for reading! I hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it! 
> 
> Special Thanks to my Beta: [Langst-is-Love](https://langst-is-love.tumblr.com/)! 
> 
> Happy Holidays and stay safe this spooky season!

**Author's Note:**

> If you wanna talk, you can always reach me at my [Tumblr](https://star-gazing-knight.tumblr.com/)! :D


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